The Story of My Life
GA 28
Chapter XXVI
[ 1 ] Individual assertions regarding Christianity which I wrote or uttered in lectures at this time appear to be contrary to the expositions I gave later. In this connection the following must be noted. At that time, when I used the word “Christianity,” I had in mind the “beyond” teaching which is operative in the Christian creeds. The whole content of religious experience refers to a world of spirit which is not attainable by man in the unfolding of his spiritual powers. What religion has to say, what it has to give as moral precepts, is derived from revelations that come to man from without. Against this my view of spirit opposed itself, desiring to experience the world of spirit just as much as the sense-world in what is perceptible in man and in nature. Against this likewise was my ethical individualism opposed, desiring to have the moral life proceed, not from without by way of precepts obeyed, but out of the unfolding of the human soul and spirit, wherein lives the divine.
[ 2 ] What then occurred in my soul in viewing Christianity was a severe test for me. The time between my departure from the Weimar task and the production of my book Das Christentum als mystische Tatsache1 Christianity as Mystical Fact. is occupied by this test. Such tests are the opposition provided by destiny (Karma) which one's spiritual evolution has to overcome.
[ 3 ] In my thoughts I perceived that there could result from the knowledge of nature – though this did not result at that time – the basis upon which man might attain to insight in the world of spirit. I therefore laid much stress upon the knowledge of the foundation of nature which must lead to the knowledge of spirit. For one who did not stand in living reality within the world of spirit, such a sinking of himself into a certain course of thought signified a mere activity of thought. For one who experiences the world of spirit, it signifies something quite different. He is brought into contact with Beings in the world of spirit who desire to make such tendencies of thought the sole predominant ones. Their one-sidedness in thinking does not merely lead to abstract error; there is a spiritual and living intercourse with a being which in the human world is error. Later I spoke of Ahrimanic beings when I wished to make reference to this. For these it is an absolute truth that the world must be a machine. They live in a world which touches directly upon the sense-world.
[ 4 ] In my own ideas I never for one moment fell into this world, not even in the unconscious. For I took pains that all my knowledge should be reached in a state of discriminating consciousness. So much the more conscious was my inner struggle against the demonic Powers who would cause to come about from the knowledge of nature, not perception of spirit, but a mechanistic-materialistic form of thinking.
[ 5 ] He who seeks for knowledge of spirit must experience these worlds: for him a mere theoretical thinking about them does not suffice. At that time I had to save my spiritual perception by inner battles. These battles stood behind my outer experience.
In this time of testing I succeeded in advancing farther only when in spiritual perception I brought before my soul the evolution of Christianity. This led to the knowledge which was expressed in the book Christianity as Mystical Fact. Before this the Christian content to which I had referred had always been that found in existent creeds. This was true of Nietzsche also.
[ 6 ] In an earlier passage in this biography I have narrated a conversation concerning Christ that I had with the learned Cistercian who was a professor in the faculty of Catholic theology of the University of Vienna. I was in the presence of a sceptical mood. The Christianity which I had to seek I did not find at all in the creeds. After the time of testing had set before me stern battles of the soul, I had to submerge myself in Christianity and in the world in which the spiritual speaks thereof.
[ 7 ] In my attitude toward Christianity it can clearly be seen that I have by no means sought and found in spiritual science by the path which many persons have ascribed to me. These state the matter as if I had collected together the knowledge of spirit left in ancient traditions. I am supposed to have elaborated Gnostic and other teachings. What is achieved of the knowledge of spirit in Christianity as Mystical Fact is brought directly out of the spiritual world. Only when I wished to show to those who heard my lectures and to the readers of the books the harmony between the spiritual perception and the historic traditions did I first take these traditions and blend them in the content. But nothing existing in these documents have I blended in the content unless I had first had this before me in the spirit.
[ 8 ] At the time when I made the statements concerning Christianity so opposed in literal content to later utterances, it was also true that the real content of Christianity was beginning germinally to unfold within me as an inner phenomenon. About the turn of the century the germ unfolded more and more. Before this turn of the century came this testing of the soul here described. The evolution of my soul rested upon the fact that I stood before the mystery of Golgotha in most inward, earnest joy of knowledge.
Chapter XXVI
[ 1 ] In Widerspruch mit den Darstellungen, die ich später vom Christentum gegeben habe, scheinen einzelne Behauptungen zu stehen, die ich damals niedergeschrieben und in Vorträgen ausgesprochen habe. Dabei kommt das Folgende in Betracht. Ich hatte, wenn ich in dieser Zeit das Wort «Christentum» schrieb, die Jenseitslehre im Sinne, die in den christlichen Bekenntnissen wirkte. Aller Inhalt des religiösen Erlebens verwies auf eine Geistwelt, die für den Menschen in der Entfaltung seiner Geisteskräfte nicht zu erreichen sein soll. Was Religion zu sagen habe, was sie als sittliche Gebote zu geben habe, stammt aus Offenbarungen, die von außen zum Menschen kommen. Dagegen wendete sich meine Geistanschauung, die die Geistwelt genau wie die sinnenfällige im Wahrnehrnbeten am Menschen und in der Natur erleben wollte. Dagegen wendete sich auch mein ethischer Individualismus, der das sittliche Leben nicht von außen durch Gebote gehalten, sondern aus der Entfaltung des seelisch-geistigen Menschenwesens, in dem das Göttliche lebt, hervorgehen lassen wollte.
[ 2 ] Was damals im Anschauen des Christentums in meiner Seele vorging, war eine starke Prüfung für mich. Die Zeit von meinem Abschiede von der Weimarer Arbeit bis zu der Ausarbeitung meines Buches: «Das Christenturn als mystische Tatsache» ist von dieser Prüfung ausgefüllt. Solche Prüfungen sind die vom Schicksal (Karma) gegebenen Widerstände, die die geistige Entwickelung zu überwinden hat.
[ 3 ] Ich sah in dem Denken, das aus der Naturerkenntnis folgen kann - aber damals nicht folgte - die Grundlage, auf der die Menschen die Einsicht in die Geistwelt erlangen konnten. Ich betonte deshalb scharf die Erkenntnis der Naturgrundlage, die zur Geist-Erkenntnis führen muß. Für denjenigen, der nicht wie ich erlebend in der Geistwelt steht, bedeutet ein solches Sich-Versenken in eine Denkrichtung eine bloße Gedankenbetätigung. Für den, der die Geist-Welt erlebt, bedeutet sie etwas wesentlich anderes. Er wird in die Nähe von Wesen in der Geist-Welt gebracht, die eine solche Denkrichtung zur allein herrschenden machen wollen. Da ist Einseitigkeit in der Erkenntnis nicht bloß der Anlaß zu abstrakter Verirrung; da ist geist4ebendiger Verkehr mit Wesen, was in der Menschenwelt Irrtum ist. Von ahrimanischen Wesenheiten habe ich später gesprochen, wenn ich in diese Richtung weisen wollte. Für sie ist absolute Wahrheit, daß die Welt Maschine sein müsse. Sie leben in einer Welt, die an die sinnenfällige unmittelbar angrenzt.
[ 4 ] Mit meinen eigenen Ideen bin ich keinen Augenblick dieser Welt verfallen. Auch nicht im Unbewußten. Denn ich wachte sorgfältig darüber, daß sich all mein Erkennen im besonnenen Bewußtsein vollzog. Um so bewußter war auch mein innerer Kampf gegen die dämonischen Mächte, die nicht aus der Naturerkenntnis Geist-Anschauung, sondern mechanistisch - materialistische Denkart werden lassen wollten.
[ 5 ] Der nach geistiger Erkenntnis Suchende muß diese Welten erleben; bei ihm genügt nicht ein bloßes theoretisches Denken darüber. Ich mußte mir damals meine Geistanschauung in inneren Stürmen retten. Diese Stürme standen hinter meinem äußeren Erleben. Ich konnte in dieser Prüfungszeit nur weiter kommen, wenn ich mit meiner Geist-Anschauung die Entwickelung des Christentums mir vor die Seele rückte. Das hat zu der Erkenntnis geführt, die in dem Buche «Das Christentum als mystische Tatsache» zum Ausdrucke kam. Vorher deutete ich immer auf einen christlichen Inhalt, der in den vorhandenen Bekenntnissen lebte. Das tat ja auch Nietzsche.
[ 6 ] An einer früheren Stelle dieses Lebensganges (S.126 ff) schildere ich ein Gespräch über Christus, das ich mit dem gelehrten Cisterzienser und Professor an der katholisch-theologischen Fakultät in Wien gehabt habe. Skeptischer Stimmung stand ich gegenüber. Ich fand das Christentum, das ich suchen mußte, nirgends in den Bekenntnissen vorhanden. Ich mußte mich, nachdem die Prüfungszeit mich harten Seelenkämpfen ausgesetzt hatte, selber in das Christentum versenken, und zwar in der Welt, in der das Geistige darüber spricht.
[ 7 ] An meiner Stellung zum Christentum wird voll anschaulich, wie ich in der Geisteswissenschaft gar nichts auf dem Wege gesucht und gefunden habe, den manche Menschen mir zuschreiben. Die stellen die Sache so hin, als ob ich aus alten Überlieferungen die Geist-Erkenntnis zusammengestellt hätte. Gnostische und andere Lehren hätte ich verarbeitet. Was im «Christentum als mystische Tatsache» an Geist-Erkenntnis gewonnen ist, das ist aus der Geistwelt selbst unmittelbar herausgeholt. Erst um Zuhörern beim Vortrag, Lesern des Buches den Einklang des geistig Erschauten mit den historischen Überlieferungen zu zeigen, nahm ich diese vor und fügte sie dem Inhalte ein. Aber nichts, was in diesen Dokumenten steht, habe ich diesem Inhalte eingefügt, wenn ich es nicht erst im Geiste vor mir gehabt habe.
[ 8 ] In der Zeit, in der ich die dem Wort-Inhalt nach Späterem so widersprechenden Aussprüche über das Christentum tat, war es auch, daß dessen wahrer Inhalt in mir begann keimhaft vor meiner Seele als innere Erkenntnis-Erscheinung sich zu entfalten. Um die Wende des Jahrhunderts wurde der Keim immer mehr entfaltet. Vor dieser Jahrhundertwende stand die geschilderte Prüfung der Seele. Auf das geistige Gestanden-Haben vor dem Mysterium von Golgatha in innerster ernstester Erkenntnis-Feier kam es bei meiner Seelen-Entwickelung an.
Chapter XXVI
[ 1 ] In contradiction with the descriptions I later gave of Christianity, there appear to be individual assertions that I wrote down at the time and expressed in lectures. The following comes into consideration. When I wrote the word "Christianity" at that time, I had in mind the doctrine of the afterlife that was at work in the Christian confessions. All the content of religious experience referred to a spiritual world that is supposed to be beyond the reach of man in the unfolding of his spiritual powers. What religion has to say, what it has to give as moral commandments, comes from revelations that come to man from outside. My spiritual view, which wanted to experience the spiritual world in the same way as the sensory world, in the praying of truth in man and in nature, turned against this. This was also opposed by my ethical individualism, which did not want the moral life to be held from the outside by commandments, but to emerge from the unfolding of the soul-spiritual human being, in whom the divine lives.
[ 2 ] What was going on in my soul at that time in the contemplation of Christianity was a strong test for me. The time between my departure from the Weimar work and the writing of my book "Das Christenturn als mystische Tatsache" (Christianity as a mystical fact) was filled with this trial. Such tests are the obstacles given by fate (karma) that spiritual development has to overcome.
[ 3 ] I saw in the thinking that can follow from the knowledge of nature - but did not follow at that time - the basis on which people could gain insight into the spiritual world. I therefore strongly emphasized the knowledge of the basis of nature, which must lead to the knowledge of the spirit. For those who, like me, are not experiencing the spirit world, this kind of immersion in one direction of thought is mere mental activity. For the one who experiences the spirit world, it means something essentially different. He is brought close to beings in the spirit world who want to make such a school of thought the only dominant one. There one-sidedness in knowledge is not merely the cause of abstract aberration; there is spiritual intercourse with beings, which is error in the human world. I spoke later of ahrimanic beings when I wanted to point in this direction. For them it is an absolute truth that the world must be a machine. They live in a world that is directly adjacent to the sensory world.
[ 4 ] With my own ideas, I have never for a moment fallen prey to this world. Not even in the unconscious. For I was careful to ensure that all my cognition took place in conscious awareness. My inner struggle against the demonic powers that did not want to turn the knowledge of nature into a spiritual view, but into a mechanistic - materialistic way of thinking, was all the more conscious.
[ 5 ] The seeker of spiritual knowledge must experience these worlds; it is not enough for him to merely think about them theoretically. At that time I had to save my spiritual view in inner storms. These storms were behind my outer experience. I could only make progress in this time of trial if I placed the development of Christianity before my soul with my spiritual view. This led to the realization that was expressed in the book "Christianity as a Mystical Fact". Before that, I always pointed to a Christian content that lived in the existing confessions. Nietzsche did that too.
[ 6 ] In an earlier part of this biography (p. 126 ff), I describe a conversation about Christ that I had with the learned Cistercian and professor at the Catholic theological faculty in Vienna. I was in a skeptical mood. I found the Christianity I was looking for nowhere to be found in the confessions. I had to immerse myself in Christianity myself, after the examination period had exposed me to hard struggles of the soul, in the world in which the spiritual speaks about it.
[ 7 ] My position on Christianity clearly illustrates how I have sought and found nothing in spiritual science in the way that some people attribute to me. They present the matter as if I had compiled spiritual knowledge from ancient traditions. I would have processed Gnostic and other teachings. The spirit knowledge gained in "Christianity as a mystical fact" is taken directly from the spirit world itself. Only in order to show listeners at the lecture, readers of the book, the harmony of the spiritually seen with the historical traditions, did I take these and add them to the content. But nothing that is in these documents I have added to this content if I have not first had it before me in my mind.
[ 8 ] It was also at the time when I made the statements about Christianity that were so contradictory to the content of my words that its true content began to unfold in me as an inner manifestation of knowledge. At the turn of the century, the germ was unfolding more and more. Before this turn of the century stood the described trial of the soul. My soul's development depended on having stood spiritually before the Mystery of Golgotha in the most serious celebration of knowledge.