The Story of My Life
GA 28
Chapter XXXIII
[ 1 ] My first work of lecturing within the circles which grew out of the Theosophical Movement had to he planned according to the temper of mind of the groups. Theosophical literature had been read there, and people were used to certain forms of expression. I had to retain these if I wished to be understood.
[ 2 ] But with the lapse of time and the progress of the work I was able gradually to pursue my own course, even in the forms of expression used.
[ 3 ] For this reason, in the reports of lectures belonging to the first years of the anthroposophical activity, there is spread before one a true inner and spiritual picture of the path by which I moved in order to extend the knowledge of the spirit, stage by stage, so that from what lay close at hand the remote might be grasped; but one must also take this path truly according to its inwardness.
[ 4 ] The years, approximately, from 1901 to 1907 or 1908 were a time in which I stood with all the forces of my soul under the impression of the facts and Beings of the spiritual world coming close to me. Out of the experience of the spiritual world in general there grew the special sorts of knowledge. One experiences very much while composing such a book as Theosophy. At every step my endeavour was to remain always in touch with scientific knowledge. With the expansion and deepening of spiritual experience, this endeavour after such a contact takes on special forms. My Theosophy seems to fall into an entirely different tone at the moment when I pass from the description of the human being to a setting forth of the “Soul-World” and the “Spirit-Land.”
[ 5 ] While describing the human being I proceed from the results of physical science. I seek so to deepen anthropology that the human organism may appear in its differentiation. Then one can see in this how, according to its several kinds of organization, it is in different ways bound up with that penetrating it from the beings of the spheres of soul and spirit. One finds the vital activity in one form of organization; then the point of action of the etheric body becomes visible. One finds the organs of feeling (Empfindung) and of perception (Wahrnehmung); then the astral body is indicated through the physical organization. Before my spiritual perception there stood spiritually these members of man's being: etheric body, astral body, ego, etc. In setting these forth I sought to connect them with the results of physical science. Very difficult for one who wishes to remain scientific is the setting forth of the repeated earthly lives and of the destinies which are thereby determined. If one does not wish at this point to speak merely from spiritual perception, one must resort to ideas which result, to be sure, from a fine observation of the sense world, but which men fail to grasp. To such a finer manner of observation man shows himself to be, in organization and evolution, different from the animal kingdom. And if one observes this difference, life itself gives rise to the idea of repeated earthly lives; but people do not actually observe this. So such ideas seem not to be taken from life but to be conceived arbitrarily or simply taken out of more ancient world-conceptions.
[ 6 ] I faced these difficulties in full consciousness. I battled with them. And anyone who will take the trouble to review the successive editions of my Theosophy and see how I recast again and again the chapter on repeated earthly lives, for the very purpose of attaching the truths of this to those ideas which are taken from observation of the sense-world, will find what pains I took to adjust myself rightly to the recognized scientific methods.
[ 7 ] Even more difficult from this point of view were the chapters on the “Soul-World” and the “Spirit-Land.” To one who has read the preceding discussions only to take cognizance of the content, the truths set forth in these chapters will seem to be mere assertions arbitrarily uttered. But it is different for one whose experience of ideas has received an access of strength from the reading of that which is linked up with the observation of the sense-world. To him the ideas have released themselves from their bondage to sense and have taken on an independent inner life. Now, therefore, the succeeding process of soul can become an inner possession. He becomes aware of the life of released ideas. These weave and work in his soul. He experiences them as he experiences through the senses colours, tones, and sensations of warmth. And as the world of nature is given in colours, tones, etc., so is the world of spirit given to him in the experienced ideas. Of course, any one who reads the first discussions of my Theosophy without the impression of inner experience, so that he does not become aware of a metamorphosis of his previous ideal experience, – whoever, in spite of having read the preceding, goes on to the succeeding discussions as if he had begun to read the book at the chapter “The Soul-World” – such a person must inevitably reject it. To him the truths appear to be assertions set up without proof. But an anthroposophic book is designed to be taken up in inner experience. Then by stages a form of understanding comes about. This may be very weak. But it may – and should – be there. The further deepening confirmation through exercises described in Knowledge of the Higher Worlds and Its Attainment is simply a deepening confirmation. For progress on the spiritual road this is necessary; but a rightly understood anthroposophic book should be an awakener of the spiritual experience in the reader, not a certain quantity of information imparted. The reading of it should not be a mere reading; it should be an experiencing with inner commotions, tensions, and releasings.
[ 8 ] I am aware how far removed is that which I have given in books from sufficing by its own forces to bring about such an experience in the mind of the reader. But I know also that in every page my inner endeavour has been to reach the utmost possible in this direction. I do not, as regards style, so describe that my subjective feelings can be detected in the sentences. In writing, I subdue to a dry, mathematical style what has come from warm and profound experience. But only such a style can be an awakener; for the reader must cause warmth and experience to awaken in himself. He cannot simply allow these to flow into him from the one setting forth the truth, while the clarity of his own mind remains obscured.
Chapter XXXIII
[ 1 ] Meine erste Vortragstätigkeit innerhalb der Kreise, die aus der theosophischen Bewegung hervorgewachsen waren, mußte sich nach den Seelenverfassungen dieser Kreise richten. Man hatte da theosophische Literatur gelesen und sich für gewisse Dinge eine gewisse Ausdrucksform angewöhnt. An diese mußte ich mich halten, wenn ich verstanden sein wollte.
[ 2 ] Erst im Laufe der Zeit ergab sich mit der vorrückenden Arbeit, daß ich immer mehr auch in der Ausdrucksform die eigenen Wege gehen konnte.
[ 3 ] Es ist daher dasjenige, was in den Nachschriften der Vorträge aus den ersten Jahren der anthroposophischen Wirksamkeit vorliegt, zwar innerlich, geistig ein getreues Abbild des Weges, den ich einschlug, um die Geist-Erkenntnis stufenweise zu verbreiten, so daß aus dem Naheliegenden das Fernerliegende erfaßt werden sollte; aber man muß diesen Weg auch wirklich nach seiner Innerlichkeit nehmen.
[ 4 ] Für mich waren die Jahre etwa von 1901 bis 1907 oder 1908 eine Zeit, in der ich mit allen Seelenkräften unter dem Eindruck der an mich herankommenden Tatsachen und Wesenheiten der Geistwelt stand. Aus dem Erleben der allgemeinen Geist-Welt wuchsen die besonderen Erkenntnisse heraus. Man erlebt viel, indem man ein solches Buch wie die «Theosophie» aufbaut. Es war bei jedem Schritte mein Bestreben, nur ja im Zusammenhange mit dem wissenschaftlichen Denken zu bleiben. Nun nimmt mit der Erweiterung und Vertiefung des gei. stigen Erlebens dieses Streben nach einem solchen Zusammenhang besondere Formen an. Meine «Theosophie» scheint in dem Augenblicke, wo ich von der Schilderung der Menschenwesenheit zur Darstellung der «Seelenwelt» und des «Geisterlandes» komme, in einen ganz anderen Ton zu verfallen.
[ 5 ] Die Menschenwesenheit schildere ich, indem ich von den Ergebnissen der Sinneswissenschaft ausgehe. Ich versuche die Anthropologie so zu vertiefen, daß der menschliche Organismus in seiner Differenziertheit erscheint. Man kann ihm dann ansehen, wie er in seinen unterschiedenen Organisationsweisen auch in unterschiedener Art mit den ihn durchdringenden geistig-seelischen Wesenhaftigkeiten verbunden ist. Man findet die Lebenstätigkeit in einer Organisationsform; da wird das Eingreifen des Ätherleibes anschaulich. Man findet die Organe der Empfindung und Wahrnehmung; da wird durch die physische Organisation auf den Astralleib verwiesen. Vor meiner geistigen Anschauung standen diese Wesensglieder des Menschen: Ätherleib, Astralleib, Ich usw. geistig da. Für die Darstellung suchte ich sie an das anzuknüpfen, was Ergebnisse der Sinneswissenschaft waren. - Schwierig wird für den, der wissenschaftlich bleiben will, die Darstellung der wiederholten Erdenleben und des sich durch diese hindurch gestaltenden Schicksales. Will man da nicht bloß aus der Geistschau sprechen, so muß man auf Ideen eingehen, die sich zwar aus einer feinen Beobachtung der Sinneswelt ergeben, die aber von den Menschen nicht gefaßt werden. Der Mensch stellt sich vor eine solche feinere Betrachtungsweise in Organisation und Entwickelung anders hin als die Tierheit. Und beobachtet man dieses Anderssein, so stellen sich aus dem Leben heraus die Ideen vom wiederholten Erdenleben ein. Aber man beachtet es eben nicht. Und so erscheinen dann solche Ideen nicht aus dem Leben geholt, sondern willkürlich gefaßt oder einfach aus älteren Weltanschauungen aufgegriffen.
[ 6 ] Ich stand mit vollem Bewußtsein diesen Schwierigkeiten gegenüber. Ich kämpfte mit ihnen. Und wer sich die Mühe nehmen wollte, nachzusehen, wie ich in aufeinanderfolgenden Auflagen meiner «Theosophie» das Kapitel über die wiederholten Erdenleben immer wieder umgearbeitet habe, gerade um dessen Wahrheiten an die Ideen heranzuführen, die von der Beobachtung in der Sinneswelt genommen sind, der wird finden, wie ich bemüht war, der anerkannten Wissenschaftsmethode gerecht zu werden.
[ 7 ] Noch schwieriger stellt sich von diesem Gesichtspunkte aus die Sache bei den Kapiteln über die «Seelenwelt» und das «Geisterland». Da erscheinen für den, der die vorangehenden Ausführungen nur so gelesen hat, daß er von dem Inhalte Kenntnis genommen hat, die dargestellten Wahrheiten wie willkürlich hingeworfene Behauptungen. Aber anders ist es bei dem, dessen Ideen-Erleben durch das Lesen dessen, was an die Beobachtung der Sinneswelt angeknüpft ist, eine Erkraftung erfahren hat Für ihn haben sich die Ideen zu selbständigem innerem Leben losgelöst von dem Gebundensein an die Sinne. Und nun kann dann der folgende Seelenvorgang in ihm sich ereignen. Er wird das Leben der losgelösten Ideen gewahn Sie weben und wirken in seiner Seele. Er erlebt sie, wie er durch die Sinne Farben, Töne, Wärme-Eindrücke erlebt. Und wie in Farben, Tönen usw. die Naturwelt gegeben ist, so ist ihm in den erlebten Ideen die Geist-Welt gegeben. - Wer allerdings so ohne inneren Erlebnis-Eindruck die ersten Ausführungen meiner «Theosophie» liest, daß er nicht ein Umwandeln seines bisherigen Ideen-Erlebens gewahr wird, wer gewissermaßen an die folgenden Ausführungen, trotzdem er das Vorangehende gelesen hat, so herangeht, als ob er das Buch mit dem Kapitel «Seelenwelt» zu lesen beginnen würde, der kann nur zu einem Ablehnen kommen. Ihm erscheinen die Wahrheiten als unbewiesene Behauptungen hingepfahlt. Aber ein anthroposophisches Buch ist darauf berechnet, in innerem Erleben aufgenommen zu werden. Dann tritt schrittweise eine Art Verstehen auf. Dieses kann ein sehr schwaches sein. Aber es kann - und soll - da sein. Und das weitere befestigende Vertiefen durch die Übungen, die in «Wie erlangt man Erkenntnisse der höheren Welten?» geschildert sind, ist eben ein befestigendes Vertiefen. Zum Fortschreiten auf dem Geisteswege ist das notwendig; aber ein richtig verfaßtes anthroposophisches Buch soll ein Aufwecker des Geistlebens im Leser sein, nicht eine Summe von Mitteilungen. Sein Lesen soll nicht bloß ein Lesen, es soll ein Erleben mit inneren Erschütterungen, Spannungen und Lösungen sein.
[ 8 ] Ich weiß, wie weit das, was ich in Büchern gegeben habe, davon entfernt ist, durch seine innere Kraft ein solches Erleben in den lesenden Seelen auszulösen. Aber ich weiß auch, wie bei jeder Seite mein innerer Kampf darnach ging, nach dieser Richtung hin möglichst viel zu erreichen. Ich schildere dem Stile nach nicht so, daß man in den Sätzen mein subjektives Gefühlsleben verspürt. Ich dämpfe im Niederschreiben, was aus Wärme und tiefer Empfindung heraus ist, zu trockener, mathematischer Stilweise. Aber dieser Stil kann allein ein Aufwecker sein, denn der Leser muß Wärme und Empfindung in sichselbst erwachen lassen. Er kann diese nicht in gedämpfter Besonnenheit einfach aus dem Darsteller in sich hinüberfließen lassen.
Chapter XXXIII
[ 1 ] My first lecturing activity within the circles that had grown out of the Theosophical movement had to be based on the soul constitutions of these circles. They had read theosophical literature and had become accustomed to a certain form of expression for certain things. I had to stick to these if I wanted to be understood.
[ 2 ] It was only in the course of time, as my work progressed, that I was able to go my own way more and more in my form of expression.
[ 3 ] It is therefore true that what exists in the transcripts of the lectures from the first years of anthroposophical activity is inwardly, spiritually a faithful reflection of the path I took in order to spread the knowledge of the spirit step by step, so that from the obvious the more distant should be grasped; but one must also really take this path according to its inwardness.
[ 4 ] For me, the years from about 1901 to 1907 or 1908 were a time in which I was under the impression of the facts and entities of the spirit world approaching me with all the powers of my soul. The special insights grew out of the experience of the general spirit world. You experience a lot by building up a book like "Theosophy". At every step I endeavored to remain in connection with scientific thinking. Now, with the expansion and deepening of spiritual experience, this striving for such a connection takes on special forms. My "Theosophy" seems to take on a completely different tone the moment I move from the description of the human being to the depiction of the "world of the soul" and the "land of spirits".
[ 5 ] I describe human nature by starting from the results of sensory science. I try to deepen anthropology in such a way that the human organism appears in its differentiation. One can then see how, in its different modes of organization, it is also connected in a differentiated way with the spiritual-soul entities that permeate it. One finds the life activity in an organizational form; there the intervention of the etheric body becomes clear. One finds the organs of sensation and perception; there the physical organization refers to the astral body. Before my spiritual perception, these elements of the human being existed: etheric body, astral body, ego, etc., existed spiritually. For the presentation I tried to link them to the results of sense science. - For those who wish to remain scientific, it becomes difficult to describe the repeated earth lives and the destiny that takes shape through them. If one does not wish to speak merely from the spiritual viewpoint, one must go into ideas which arise from a subtle observation of the sense world, but which are not grasped by man. Man presents himself to such a finer way of looking at things differently in organization and development than animals. And if one observes this otherness, the ideas of repeated earthly life arise out of life. But it is simply not observed. And so such ideas do not appear to have been drawn from life, but rather are arbitrarily conceived or simply taken up from older world views.
[ 6 ] I faced these difficulties with full awareness. I struggled with them. And whoever would take the trouble to see how in successive editions of my "Theosophy" I have again and again reworked the chapter on repeated earth lives, precisely in order to bring its truths closer to the ideas taken from observation in the sense world, will find how I have endeavored to do justice to the accepted scientific method.
[ 7 ] From this point of view, the chapters on the "Soul World" and the "Spirit Land" are even more difficult. For those who have only read the preceding explanations in such a way that they have taken note of the content, the truths presented seem like arbitrary assertions. But it is different with him whose experience of ideas has been enlightened by reading what is linked to the observation of the sense world. For him the ideas have become independent inner life, detached from being bound to the senses. And now the following soul process can take place in him. He becomes aware of the life of the detached ideas. They weave and work in his soul. He experiences them as he experiences colors, sounds, warmth impressions through the senses. And just as the natural world is given to him in colors, sounds, etc., so the spirit world is given to him in the ideas he experiences. - Whoever, however, reads the first remarks of my "Theosophy" without any inner impression of experience, so that he does not become aware of a transformation of his previous experience of ideas, whoever approaches the following remarks, despite having read the preceding, as if he were beginning to read the book with the chapter "Soul World", can only come to a rejection. The truths appear to him as unproven assertions. But an anthroposophical book is designed to be absorbed through inner experience. Then a kind of understanding gradually emerges. This can be very weak. But it can - and should - be there. And the further consolidation through the exercises described in "How do you gain knowledge of the higher worlds?" is precisely a consolidation. This is necessary for progress on the spiritual path; but a properly written anthroposophical book should be an awakener of the spiritual life in the reader, not a sum of messages. Its reading should not merely be a reading, it should be an experience with inner shocks, tensions and solutions.
[ 8 ] I know how far removed what I have given in books is from triggering such an experience in the reading souls through its inner power. But I also know how, with every page, my inner struggle was to achieve as much as possible in this direction. I do not write in such a style that one can sense my subjective emotional life in the sentences. In writing, I dampen what is out of warmth and deep feeling into a dry, mathematical style. But this style alone can be an awakener, for the reader must allow warmth and feeling to awaken in himself. He cannot simply let these flow into himself from the performer in subdued prudence.