Esoteric Lessons III
The way we say “I think,” “I feel,” “I will” in ordinary life is really maya. It's only with “I am” that we're saying something that's true. Regarding our thoughts we can often notice that they press in from all sides when we would really like to exclude them. This shows that we don't think ourselves, but that beings are thinking in us. If only the progressive, good Gods had worked in us we would never have been under the illusion that it's we who think. Instead of falling into a deep, dreamless sleep at night we would have seen a big Imagination of our thoughts and ideas around us, permeated completely by the life and substance of higher beings. We would then have remembered this during the day and we'd always know that higher beings' life is in our thoughts. But Lucifer worked and wove himself completely into our thought life. If this imagination would appear it would show us that almost all of our thought life has become luciferic. And during the day we would constantly feel how terrible it is that Lucifer thinks in me. To protect us from this unconscious sleep comes over us at night, and we live in the maya idea that we think ourselves. But we esoterics must learn to face the truth. We get the strength to bear the thought that Lucifer thinks in us if we often meditate on the mantric statement, It thinks me, while we're completely permeated by piety.
It's easier to see that we're not masters of our feeling life. Feelings storm up in us, and we often can't control them very much. If our development had remained connected with progressive powers only here, then nocturnal Imaginations would have shown us that our feelings are of the same substance as the life that weaves through nature's great life realm. We would see plants' etheric archetypes, that are quite different from physical plants, and we would know that what pulses through the etheric life realm is also in our feelings. We would then remember this during the day as we looked at outer nature. But Ahriman has worked into all of this, and so we can say that in favourable cases he lives in maybe two thirds of our feelings, but most often it's more like three quarters of them, and the good Gods only live in a very small part of them. And we would see this in an Imagination at night because we would remain conscious, and during the day when we looked at nature outside we would know that Ahriman lives in our feelings that are related to weaving in the life realm. And we would think that it's terrible that Ahriman feels in us. To get the strength to bear this truth we must meditate on the sentence: It weaves me — with intense thankfulness to the good Gods who haven't left us completely yet. As far as our will impulses go it's very clear that our will is almost always determined by causes outside us, that the outer world's attractions and stimulations drive us to our actions. Here too, if Lucifer and Ahriman hadn't intervened we would have seen the working of spiritual beings at night, and we would have felt that they were united with this. And during the day we would have known nothing else than a working in agreement with what is willed by the good Gods. Our will would be the will of the spiritual world. But Ahriman's influence has also worked into this, and we should also see and know this during the day and we get the strength to bear this by meditating: It works me — with deep reverence for high spiritual beings.
So we see that the above mentioned “I think,” “I feel,” “I will” is really given to us in ordinary life as maya, since we can't bear the truth. Meditation on the mantra: It thinks me — It weaves me — It works me — can give a man a mighty push forwards into the spiritual world all by itself without other meditations.
The following about the letters in these mantras is also of importance.
It thinks me, Es denkt mich = e e i is getting close to another being with shyness and reverence; i is the union with this being whom we're approaching. But the d t indicates a feeling of still being reverentially separated. In It weaves me, Es webt michwe have the same e e i but w instead of d, a much more intimate approach. One weaves and waves completely into the other being; the waviness of the w carries us over all by itself. Everything is completely reversed in It works me, Es wirkt mich: e i i. One is entirely in the other being and works from there; one has united with it completely.
The ten words of the rosicrucian verse are arranged in such a way that the letters are also of importance. In Ex Deo nascimur we have the mood that we can feel on awaking with respect to our body, e e o a i u. In e we have a shyness to approach our physical and etheric bodies that the Gods built up during long world periods, o is a wanting to embrace, a is a stepping back with tremendous reverence, i is a wanting to unite, and u holds all of this together. In ... morimur — the statement in which we have this unspeakable word. We can call this a post-mortem mood, dying in Christ, i i o o i u: being one, embracing, becoming completely united, all of this summarized. Per Spiritum Sanctum reviviscimus. This expresses the attainment of self-consciousness in the spheres we enter after death. Here the consonants are more important; p r = feeling that one is placed in something, i stands for the I-feeling, the realizing oneself as an I, self-consciousness in the post-mortem state, s is the spinal column's form. Thus the masters have placed the secrets of the creative word in here, and ever more secrets can be found in it. Ten words: the ten-fold being of man, of which the fifth is the unspeakable name.