A Road to Self-Knowledge
GA 16
Fourth Meditation
In which the Attempt is made to form a Conception of the Guardian of the Threshold
[ 1 ] When the soul has attained the faculty of making observations whilst remaining outside the physical body, certain difficulties may arise with regard to its emotional life. It may find itself compelled to take up quite a different position towards itself from that to which it was formerly accustomed. The soul was accustomed to regard the physical world as outside itself, while it considered all inner experience as its own particular possession. To supersensible surroundings, however, it cannot take up the same position as to the outer world. As soon as the soul perceives the supersensible world around it, it must merge with it to a certain extent: it cannot consider itself as separate from these surroundings as it does from the outer world. Through this fact all that can be designated as our own inner world in relation to the supersensible surroundings assumes a certain character which is not easily reconcilable with the idea of inward privacy. We can no longer say, “I think, ” “ I feel, ” or “I have my thoughts and fashion them as I like.” But we must say instead, “ Something thinks in me, something makes emotions flash forth in me, something forms thoughts and compels them to come forward in an absolutely definite way and make their presence felt in my consciousness.”
[ 2 ] Now this feeling may contain something exceedingly depressing when the manner in which the supersensible experience presents itself is such as to convey the certainty that we are actually experiencing a reality and are not losing ourselves in imaginary fancies or illusions. Such as it is it may indicate that the supersensible surrounding world wants to feel, and to think for itself, but that it is hindered in the realisation of its intention. At the same time we get a feeling that that which here wants to enter the soul is the true reality and the only one that can give an explanation of all we have hitherto experienced as real. This feeling also gives the impression that the supersensible reality shows itself as something which in value infinitely transcends the reality hitherto known to the soul. This feeling is therefore depressing, because it makes us feel that we are actually forced to will the next step which has to be taken. It lies in the very nature of that which we have become through our own inner experience to take this step. If we do not take it we must feel this to be a denial of our own being, or even self-annihilation. And yet we may also have the feeling that we cannot take it, or if we attempt it as far as we can, it must remain imperfect
[ 3 ] All this develops into the idea: Such as the soul now is, a task lies before it, which it cannot master, because such as it now is, it is rejected by its supersensible surroundings, for the supersensible world does not wish to have it within its realm. And so the soul arrives at a feeling of being in contradiction to the supersensible world; and has to say to itself: “I am not such as to make it possible for me to mingle with that world, and yet only there can I learn the true reality and my relation to it; for I have separated myself from the recognition of Truth.” This feeling means an experience which will make more and more clear and decisive the exact value of our own soul. We feel ourselves and our whole life to be steeped in an error. And yet this error is distinct from other errors. The others are thought; but this is a living experience. An error that is only thought may be removed when the wrong thought is replaced by the right one. But the error that has been experienced has become part of the life of our soul itself; we ourselves are the error, we cannot simply correct it, for, think as we will, it is there, it is part of reality, and that, too, our own reality. Such an experience is a crushing one for the “self.” We feel our inmost being painfully rejected by all that we desire. This pain, which is felt at a certain stage in the pilgrimage of the soul, is far beyond anything which can be felt as pain in the physical world. And therefore it may surpass everything which we have hitherto become able to master in the life of our soul. It may have the effect of stunning us. The soul stands before the anxious question: Whence shall I gather strength to carry the burden laid upon me? And the soul must find that strength within its own life. It consists in something that may be characterised as inner courage, inner fearlessness.
[ 4 ] In order now to be able to proceed further in the pilgrimage of the soul, we must have developed so far that the strength which enables us to bear our experiences will well up from within us and produce this inner courage and inner fearlessness in a degree never required for life in the physical body. Such strength is only produced by true self-knowledge. In fact it is only at this stage of development that we realise how little we have hitherto really known of ourselves. We have surrendered ourselves to our inner experiences without observing them as one observes a part of the outer world. Through the steps that have led to the faculty of extra-physical experience, however, we obtain a special means of self-knowledge. We learn in a certain sense to contemplate ourselves from a standpoint which can only be found when we are outside the physical body. And the depressing feeling mentioned before is itself the very beginning of true self-knowledge. To realise oneself as being in error in one's relations to the outer world is a sign that one is realising the true nature of one's own soul.
[ 5 ] It is in the nature of the human soul to feel such enlightenment regarding itself as painful. It is only when we feel this pain that we learn how strong is the natural desire to feel ourselves, just as we are - to be human beings of importance and value. It may seem an ugly fact that this is so; but we have to face this ugliness of our own self without prejudice. We did not notice it before, just because we never consciously penetrated deeply enough into our own being. Only when we do so do we perceive how dearly we love that in ourselves which must be felt as ugly. The power of self-love shows itself in all its enormity. And at the same time we see how little inclination we have to lay aside this self-love. Even when it is only a question of those qualities of the soul which are concerned with our ordinary life and relations to other people, the difficulties turn out to be quite great enough. We learn, for instance, by means of true self-knowledge, that though we have hitherto believed that we felt kindly towards some one, nevertheless we are cherishing in the depths of our soul secret envy or hatred or some such feeling towards that person. We realise that these feelings, which have not as yet risen to the surface, will some day certainly crave for expression. And we see how very superficial it would be to say to ourselves: “Now that you have learned how it stands with you, root out your envy or hatred.” For we discover that armed merely with such a thought we shall certainly feel exceedingly weak, when some day the craving to show our envy or to satisfy our hatred breaks forth as if with elemental power. Such special kinds of self-knowledge manifest themselves in different people according to the special constitution of their souls. They appear when experience outside the body begins, for then our self-knowledge becomes a true one, and is no longer troubled by any desire to find ourselves modeled in some such way as we should like to be.
[ 6 ] Such special self-knowledge is painful and depressing to the soul, but if we want to attain to the faculty of experience outside the body, it cannot be avoided, for it is necessarily called forth by the special position which we must take up with regard to our own soul. For the very strongest powers of the soul are required, even if it is only a question of an ordinary human being obtaining self-knowledge in a general way. We are observing ourselves from a standpoint outside our previous inner life.
We have to say to ourselves: “I have contemplated and judged the things and occurrences of the world according to my human nature. I must now try to imagine that I cannot contemplate and judge them in that way. But then I should not be what I am. I should have no inner experiences. I should be a mere nothing.” And not only a man in the midst of ordinary everyday life, who only very rarely even thinks about the world or life, would have to address himself in this way. Any man of science, or any philosopher, would have to do so. For even philosophy is only observation and judgment of the world according to individual qualities and conditions of the human soul-life. Now such a judgment cannot mingle with supersensible surroundings. It is rejected by them. And therewith everything we have been up to that moment is rejected. We look back upon our whole soul, upon our ego itself, as upon something which has to be laid aside, when we want to enter the supersensible world. The soul, however, cannot but consider this ego as its real being until it enters the supersensible worlds. The soul must consider it as the true human being, and must say to itself: “Through this my ego I have to form ideas of the world. I must not lose this ego of mine if I do not want to give myself up as a being altogether.' There is in the soul the strongest inclination to guard the ego at all points in order not to lose one's foothold absolutely. What the soul thus feels of necessity to be right in ordinary life, it must no longer feel when it enters supersensible surroundings. It has there to cross a threshold, where it must leave behind not only this or that precious possession, but that very being which it has hitherto believed itself to be. The soul must be able to say to itself: “That which until now has seemed to me to be my surest truth, I must now, on the other side of the threshold of the supersensible world, be able to consider as my deepest error.”
[ 7 ] Before such a demand the soul may well recoil. The feeling may be so strong that the necessary steps would seem a surrender of its own being, and an acknowledgment of its own nothingness, so that it admits more or less completely on the threshold its own powerlessness to fulfil the demands put before it. This acknowledgment may take all possible forms. It may appear merely as an instinct and seem to the pupil who thinks and acts upon it as something quite different from what it really is. He may, for instance, feel a great dislike to all supersensible truths. He may consider them as day dreams, or imaginary fancies. He does so only because in those depths of his soul of which he is ignorant he has a secret fear of these truths. He feels that he can only live with that which is admitted by his senses and his intellectual judgment. He therefore avoids arriving at the threshold of the supersensible world, and he veils the fact of his avoidance of it by saying: “ That which is supposed to lie behind that threshold is not tenable by reason or by science.” The fact is simply that he loves reason and science such as he knows them, because they are bound up with his ego. This is a very, frequent form of self-love and cannot as such be brought into the supersensible world.
[ 8 ] It may also happen that there is not only this instinctive halt before the threshold. The pupil may consciously proceed to the threshold and then turn back, because he fears that which lies before him. He will then not easily be able to blot out from the ordinary life of his soul the effect of thus approaching it. The effect will be that weakness will spread over the whole of his soul's life.
[ 9 ] What ought to take place is this, that the pupil on entering the supersensible world should make himself able to renounce that which in ordinary life he considers as the deepest truth and to adapt himself to a different way of feeling and judging things. But at the same time he must keep in mind that when he again confronts the physical world, he must make use of the ways of feeling, and judging that are suitable for this physical world. He must not only learn to live in two different worlds, but also to live in each in quite a different way, and he must not allow his sound judgment, which he needs for ordinary life in the world of reason and of the senses, to be encroached upon by the fact that he is obliged to make use of another kind of discernment while in another world.
[ 10 ] To take up such a position is difficult for human nature, and the capacity for doing so is only acquired through continued energetic and patient strengthening of our soul-life. Any one who goes through the experiences of the threshold realises that it is a boon to the ordinary life of the soul not to be led so far. The feelings that awaken are such that one cannot but think that this boon proceeds from some powerful entity, who protects man from the danger of undergoing the dread of self-annihilation at the threshold. Behind the outer world of ordinary life there is another. Before the threshold of this world a stern guardian is standing, who prevents man from knowing what the laws of the supersensible world are. For all doubts and all uncertainty concerning that world are, after all, easier to bear than the sight of that which one must leave behind when we want to cross the threshold.
[ 11 ] The pupil remains protected against the experience described, as long as he does not step forward to the very threshold. The fact that he receives descriptions of such experiences from those who have trodden or crossed this threshold does not change the fact of his being protected. On the contrary, such communications may be of good service to him when he approaches the threshold. In this case as in many others, a thing is done better if one has an idea of it beforehand. But as regards the self-knowledge which must be gained by a traveler in the supersensible world nothing is changed by such preliminary knowledge. It is therefore not in harmony with the facts, when many clairvoyants, or those acquainted with the nature of clairvoyance, assert that these things should not be mentioned at all to people who are not on the point of resolving to enter into the supersensible world. We are now living in a time when people must become more and more acquainted with the nature of the supersensible world, if the life of their soul is to become equal to the demands of ordinary life upon it. The spread of supersensible knowledge, including the knowledge of the guardian of the threshold, is one of the tasks of the moment and of the immediate future.
Vierte Meditation
Der Meditierende versucht eine Vorstellung von dem «Hüter der Schwelle » zu bilden
[ 1 ] Wenn die Seele zu der Fähigkeit gekommen ist, außerhalb des Sinnenleibes etwas zu beobachten, können für sie gewisse Schwierigkeiten des Gefühlslebens eintreten. Sie kann sich gezwungen sehen, eine ganz andre Stellung zu sich selbst einzunehmen, als sie vorher gewohnt war. Der Sinnenwelt stand sie so gegenüber, dass sie dieselbe als Außenwelt ansah und die Erlebnisse des Innern als ihr Eigentum. Zur übersinnlichen Außenwelt kann sie sich nicht in dieser Art verhalten. Sobald sie diese Außenwelt wahrnimmt, fließt sie gewissermaßen mit ihr zusammen; sie kann sich nicht so von ihr abgetrennt vorstellen wie von der sinnlichen Außenwelt. Dadurch nimmt alles, was sie dieser übersinnlichen Außenwelt gegenüber als die eigene Innenwelt bezeichnen kann, eine gewisse Eigentümlichkeit an, welche zunächst schwer mit den Vorstellungen von Innerlichkeit zu vereinigen ist. Man kann nicht mehr sagen: ich denke, ich fühle, oder ich habe meine Gedanken und gestalte sie. Man muß sagen: etwas denkt in mir, etwas läßt in mir Gefühle aufleuchten, etwas gestaltet die Gedanken, so dass sie in einer ganz bestimmten Art auftreten und im Bewußtsein sich als anwesend zeigen.
[ 2 ] Dieses Gefühl kann nun etwas außerordentlich Bedrückendes dann haben, wenn die Art des übersinnlichen Erlebens sich als eine solche erweist, die Gewißheit darüber gibt, dass man richtig eine Wirklichkeit erlebt, und sich nicht einer Phantasterei oder Illusion hingibt. So wie es auftritt, kann es zeigen, dass sich die übersinnliche Außenwelt wohl erfühlen, sich denken will; dass sie aber an dem, was sie zustande bringen will, gehindert wird. Zugleich erhält man die Empfindung, dass dasjenige, was da in die Seele herein will, die wahre Wirklichkeit ist, und dass sie allein über das aufklären kann, was man bisher als Wirklichkeit erlebt hat. Auch die Form nimmt diese Empfindung an, dass die übersinnliche Wirklichkeit sich als etwas zeigt, was die bisher der Seele bekannte Wirklichkeit an Wert unendlich überstrahlt. Es hat diese Empfindung deshalb etwas Bedrückendes, weil man zu dem Gedanken kommt, den nächsten Schritt, welchen man nun zu machen hat, muß man wollen. Es liegt in der Wesenheit dessen, was man durch sein inneres Erleben geworden ist, diesen Schritt zu machen. Wie eine Verleugnung dessen, was man ist, ja wie eine Selbstvernichtung müßte man es empfinden, wenn man den Schritt nicht täte. Und doch kann auch das Gefühl auftreten, man kann ihn nicht tun, oder wenn man ihn unternimmt, so wie es möglich ist, so bleibt er unvollkommen.
[ 3 ] Das alles verwandelt sich in die Vorstellung: so wie die Seele nunmehr ist, so liegt vor ihr eine Aufgabe, die sie nicht bewältigen kann, weil sie so, wie sie ist, von der übersinnlichen Außenwelt nicht aufgenommen wird, weil diese sie nicht in sich haben will. So kommt die Seele dazu, sich im Gegensatze zur übersinnlichen Welt zu fühlen, sie muß sich sagen, du bist nicht so, wie du mit dieser Welt zusammenfließen kannst. Sie aber kann dir nur die wahre Wirklichkeit zeigen, und auch, wie du selbst zu dieser wahren Wirklichkeit dich verhältst; du hast dich also von dem echten Beobachten des Wahren abgetrennt. Dieses Gefühl bedeutet eine Erfahrung, welche immer mehr über den ganzen Wert der eigenen Seele entscheidend wird. Man fühlt sich mit seinem vollen Leben in einem Irrtum drinnen stehend. Doch unterscheidet sich dieser Irrtum von anderen Irrtümern. Diese werden gedacht, er aber wird erlebt. Ein Irrtum, der gedacht ist, wird weggeschafft, wenn man an die Stelle des unrichtigen Gedankens den richtigen setzt. Der erlebte Irrtum ist ein Teil des Seelenlebens selbst geworden; man ist der Irrtum; man kann ihn nicht einfach verbessern, denn man mag denken, wie man will, er ist da, er ist ein Teil der Wirklichkeit, und zwar der eigenen Wirklichkeit. Ein solches Erlebnis hat etwas Vernichtendes für das eigene Selbst. Man empfindet seine Innerlichkeit schmerzvoll zurückgestoßen von allem, was man ersehnt. Dieser Schmerz, der auf einer Stufe der Seelenwanderschaft empfunden wird, überragt weit alles, was man an Schmerzen in der Sinnenwelt empfinden kann. Und deshalb kann er auch alles das überragen, dem man durch das bisherige Seelenleben gewachsen ist. Er kann etwas Betäubendes haben. Die Seele steht vor der bangen Frage, woher soll ich die Kräfte nehmen, um zu ertragen, was mir da auferlegt ist? Und sie muß innerhalb ihres eigenen Lebens diese Kräfte finden. Sie bestehen in etwas, das man als inneren Mut, als innere Furchtlosigkeit bezeichnen kann.
[ 4 ] Um nun weiter in der Seelenwanderschaft zu kommen, muß man dazu geführt werden, dass aus dem Innern solche Kräfte des Ertragens seiner Erlebnisse sich erschließen, die inneren Mut und innere Furchtlosigkeit ergeben, wie man sie zum Leben innerhalb des Sinnenleibes nicht nötig hatte. Solche Kräfte ergeben sich nur durch wahre Selbsterkenntnis. Man sieht im Grunde auf dieser Stufe der Entwickelung erst ein, wie wenig man bisher von sich wirklich gewußt hat. Man überließ sich dem inneren Erleben, ohne dieses etwa so zu betrachten, wie man einen Teil der Außenwelt betrachtet. Man erhält aber durch die Schritte, welche zur Fähigkeit geführt haben, außerhalb des Leibes zu erleben, besondere Mittel zur Selbsterkenntnis. Man lernt sich gewissermaßen von einem Gesichtspunkt aus betrachten, der sich nur ergibt, wenn man außerhalb des sinnlichen Leibes ist. Und es ist das geschilderte bedrückende Gefühl selbst schon der Anfang wahrer Selbsterkenntnis. Sich in einem Irrtum erleben in seinem Verhältnis zur Außenwelt, das zeigt ja das eigene Seelenwesen, wie es wirklich ist.
[ 5 ] Nun liegt es in der Natur der Menschenseele, solche Aufklärung über sich selbst als peinvoll zu empfinden. Man erfährt erst, wenn man diese Pein empfindet, wie stark die ganz selbstverständliche Sehnsucht ist, sich als Menschen, so wie man ist, als wertvoll, als bedeutungsvoll zu halten. Es mag häßlich aussehen, dass dies so ist; man muß sich dieser Häßlichkeit des eigenen Selbstes frei gegenüberstellen. Man empfand diese Häßlichkeit vorher eben aus dem Grunde nicht, weil man nie mit seinem Bewußtsein in die eigene Wesenheit wirklich eingedrungen ist. Man bemerkt erst in einem solchen Augenblicke, wie man an sich liebt, was man nun als häßlich empfinden soll. Die Gewalt der Eigenliebe zeigt sich in ihrer vollen Größe. Und zugleich zeigt sich, wie wenig Neigung man hat, diese Eigenliebe abzulegen. Wenn es sich um die Eigenschaften der Seele handelt, die für das gewöhnliche Leben, für das Verhältnis zu andern Menschen in Betracht kommen, so stellt sich die Schwierigkeit schon als groß genug heraus. Man erfährt durch wahre Selbsterkenntnis zum Beispiel, dass man bisher geglaubt hat, man stünde einem Menschen wohlwollend gegenüber, und dass man doch in den Seelengründen verborgenen Neid, oder Haß, oder ähnliches hegt. Man erkennt, dass diese bisher nicht zutage getretenen Gefühle sich ganz gewiß einmal werden äußern wollen. Und man wird gewahr, dass es ganz oberflächlich wäre, sich zu sagen: nun hast du doch erkannt, dass es so mit dir stehe, vertilge also in dir den Neid, den Haß. Man entdeckt aber, dass man mit einem solchen Gedanken ganz gewiß einmal sich recht schwach erweisen werde, wenn der Drang, den Haß zu befriedigen, den Neid auszuleben, wie mit Naturgewalt aus der Seele hervorbrechen werden. Solche besonderen Selbsterkenntnisse treten bei diesem oder jenem Menschen je nach der Beschaffenheit seines Seelenwesens auf. Sie stellen sich ein, wenn Erleben außerhalb des Sinnenleibes eintritt, weil dann die Selbsterkenntnis eben eine wahre wird, und nicht mehr getrübt sein kann von dem Wunsche, sich in der einen oder anderen Art zu finden, wie man es doch nur liebt, zu sein.
[ 6 ] Diese besonderen Selbsterkenntnisse sind schmerzvoll, sind bedrückend für die Seele. Derjenige, der sich die Fähigkeit erwerben will, außerhalb des Leibes zu erleben, kann sie nicht vermeiden. Denn sie treten notwendig auf durch das ganz besondere Verhältnis, in das er sich zu der eigenen Seele stellen muß. Doch der stärksten Seelenkräfte bedarf es, wenn es sich um eine ganz allgemeine menschliche Selbsterkenntnis handelt. Man beobachtet sich von einem Gesichtspunkte, der außerhalb des bisherigen Seelenlebens liegt. Man sagt zu sich selber: du hast nach deiner menschlichen Wesenheit die Dinge und Vorgänge der Welt betrachtet und über sie geurteilt. Versuche dir einmal vorzustellen, du könntest sie nicht so betrachten, nicht so über sie urteilen. Dann wärest du überhaupt nicht das, was du bist. Du hättest keine inneren Erlebnisse. Du selbst wärest ein Nichts. So zu sich sagen, muß nicht etwa nur der Mensch, der im Alltagsleben drinnen steht, und sich nur selten einmal Vorstellungen über die Welt und das Leben macht. So muß jeder Wissenschafter, jeder Philosoph sagen. Denn auch Philosophie ist nur eine Beobachtung und Beurteilung der Welt nach Maßgabe der Eigenschaften des menschlichen Seelenlebens. Eine solche Beurteilung kann aber mit der übersinnlichen Außenwelt nicht zusammenfließen. Sie wird von derselben zurückgewiesen. Damit wird aber alles zurückgewiesen, was man bisher gewesen ist. Man sieht auf seine ganze Seele, auf sein «Ich» als auf etwas zurück, was man ablegen muß, wenn man die übersinnliche Welt betreten will. - Nun kann aber die Seele gar nicht anders, als dieses «Ich» für ihre eigentliche Wesenheit halten, bevor sie die übersinnliche Welt betritt. Sie muß in ihr die wahre menschliche Wesenheit sehen. Sie muß sich sagen: durch dieses mein Ich muß ich mir Vorstellungen über die Welt machen; dieses mein Ich darf sich nicht verlieren, wenn ich mich nicht als Wesenheit selbst verloren geben will. Der stärkste Trieb ist in ihr, das Ich sich überall zu wahren, um nicht allen Boden unter den Füßen zu verlieren. Was so die Seele im gewöhnlichen Leben berechtigt empfinden muß, das darf sie nicht mehr empfinden, sobald sie in die übersinnliche Außenwelt eintritt. Sie muß da eine Schwelle überschreiten, an der sie nicht den einen oder anderen wertvollen Besitz nur, an welcher sie das zurücklassen muß, was sie sich bisher selbst war. Sie muß sich sagen können, was dir bisher als deine stärkste Wahrheit zu gelten hatte, das muß nun jenseits der Schwelle zur übersinnlichen Welt dir als der stärkste Irrtum erscheinen können.
[ 7 ] Gegenüber einer solchen Forderung kann die Seele zurückschaudern. Sie kann, was sie zu tun hätte, so stark als ein Hingeben, eine Nichtigkeitserklärung der eigenen Wesenheit empfinden, dass sie an der bezeichneten Schwelle sich mehr oder weniger die eigne Ohnmacht eingesteht, der Forderung zu genügen. Dieses Eingeständnis kann alle möglichen Formen annehmen. Es kann ganz instinktiv auftreten, und dem Menschen, der in seinem Sinne denkt und handelt, als etwas ganz anderes erscheinen, als es wirklich ist. Er kann zum Beispiel eine tiefe Abneigung gegen alle übersinnlichen Wahrheiten empfinden. Er kann sie für Träumereien, Phantastereien halten. Er tut dies nur aus dem Grunde, weil er in seinen ihm selbst unbekannten Seelengründen eine geheime Furcht vor diesen Wahrheiten hat. Er empfindet, dass er nur mit dem leben kann, was die Sinne und das Verstandesurteil offenbaren. Er vermeidet es deshalb, an die Schwelle zur übersinnlichen Welt heranzukommen. Er kleidet sich dieses Vermeiden so ein, dass er sagt, was jenseits dieser Schwelle liegen soll, ist vor Vernunft und Wissenschaft nicht haltbar. Es handelt sich aber doch nur darum, dass er Vernunft und Wissenschaft, wie er sie kennt, liebt, weil sie an sein Ich gebunden sind. Es handelt sich um eine ganz allgemein menschliche Form von Eigenliebe. Diese aber kann in die übersinnliche Welt nicht mit hineingenommen werden.
[ 8 ] Es kann aber auch der Fall eintreten, dass es bei diesem instinktiven Haltmachen vor der Schwelle nicht bleibt. Dass der Mensch bewußt bis zu ihr herantritt, und dann umkehrt, weil er Furcht empfindet vor dem, was ihm bevorsteht. Er wird dann nicht leicht die Wirkungen verwischen können, welche durch sein Herantreten an die Schwelle sich für sein gewöhnliches Seelenleben einstellen. Diese werden in den Folgen liegen, welche die Ohnmacht, die er empfunden hat, über sein ganzes Seelensein ausbreitet.
[ 9 ] Was eintreten soll, besteht darin, dass der Mensch sich fähig mache, das, was er im gewöhnlichen Leben als stärkste Wahrheit empfindet, beim Betreten der übersinnlichen Welt abzulegen und sich auf eine andere Art einzurichten, die Dinge zu empfinden und zu beurteilen. Er muß nur sich auch klar darüber sein, dass er, wenn er wieder der Sinnenwelt gegenübersteht, auch wieder die für diese gültige Empfindungs- und Beurteilungsart gebrauchen muß. Er muß nicht nur lernen, in zwei Welten zu leben, sondern auch in beiden auf ganz verschiedene Art zu leben. Er darf sich für das gewöhnliche Stehen in der Sinnes- und Verstandeswelt das gesunde Urteil nicht beeinträchtigen, weil er für eine andre Welt zur Anwendung einer andren Urteilsart gezwungen ist.
[ 10 ] Für die menschliche Wesenheit ist eine solche Stellungnahme schwierig. Die Fähigkeit für sie erlangt man nur durch fortgesetzte energische und geduldige Verstärkung des Seelenlebens. Wer die Erfahrungen an der Schwelle macht, der empfindet, dass es für das gewöhnliche menschliche Seelenleben eine Wohltat ist, nicht bis zu dieser Schwelle hingeführt zu werden. Die Empfindungen, welche in ihm auftreten, sind so, dass man gar nicht anders kann, als diese Wohltat von einer wesenhaften Macht herrührend zu denken, welche den Menschen schützt vor der Gefahr, die Schrecken der Selbstvernichtung an der Schwelle zu erleben. - Es liegt hinter der Außenwelt, welche dem gewöhnlichen Leben gegeben ist, eine andre. Vor deren Schwelle steht ein strenger Hüter, welcher bewirkt, dass der Mensch nichts erfährt von dem, was Gesetze der übersinnlichen Welt sind. Denn alle Zweifel, alle Ungewißheit über diese Welt sind doch noch leichter zu ertragen, als das Schauen dessen, was man zurücklassen muß, wenn man sie betreten will.
[ 11 ] Der Mensch bleibt geschützt vor den geschilderten Erlebnissen, solange er nicht an diese Schwelle selbst herantritt. Dass er Erzählungen von ihren Erlebnissen von denen entgegennimmt, welche diese Schwelle betreten oder überschritten haben, das ändert nichts daran, dass er geschützt ist. Dagegen kann ihm solche Entgegennahme dienen im guten Sinne, wenn er sich der Schwelle nähert. Es ist auch in diesem Falle so wie in vielen andern, dass eine Verrichtung besser vollzogen wird, wenn man vorher schon eine Vorstellung von ihr sich machen kann, als im entgegengesetzten Falle. An dem aber, was der Wanderer in die übersinnliche Welt an Selbsterkenntnis gewinnen soll, wird durch solches Vorherwissen nichts geändert. Es ist deshalb nicht den Tatsachen entsprechend, wenn manche hellsichtige oder mit dem Wesen der Hellsichtigkeit vertraute Personen behaupten, von solchen Dingen solle überhaupt im Kreise von Menschen nicht gesprochen werden, die nicht vor dem Entschlusse unmittelbar stehen, sich in die übersinnliche Welt selbst hineinzubegeben. Wir leben gegenwärtig in einer Zeit, in welcher die Menschen immer mehr mit dem Wesen der übersinnlichen Welt bekannt werden müssen, wenn sie den Forderungen des Lebens seelisch gewachsen sein wollen. Die Verbreitung der übersinnlichen Erkenntnisse und somit auch derjenigen vom Hüter der Schwelle gehört zu den Aufgaben der Gegenwart und der nächsten Zukunft.
Fourth meditation
The meditator tries to form an idea of the "Guardian of the Threshold"
[ 1 ] When the soul has attained the ability to observe something outside the sensory body, it may experience certain difficulties in its emotional life. It may be forced to adopt a completely different attitude to itself than it was previously accustomed to. She faced the world of the senses in such a way that she regarded it as the outer world and the experiences of the inner world as her own. She cannot relate to the supersensible outer world in this way. As soon as it perceives this outer world, it flows together with it, so to speak; it cannot imagine itself as separate from it as from the sensory outer world. As a result, everything that it can describe as its own inner world in relation to this supersensible outer world takes on a certain peculiarity that is initially difficult to reconcile with the ideas of inwardness. One can no longer say: I think, I feel, or I have my thoughts and form them. One must say: something thinks in me, something lets feelings light up in me, something shapes the thoughts so that they appear in a very specific way and show themselves as present in consciousness.
[ 2 ] This feeling can now have something extraordinarily oppressive when the kind of supersensible experience proves to be one that gives certainty that one is experiencing a reality correctly and is not indulging in fantasy or illusion. As it occurs, it can show that the supersensible outer world does want to feel itself, to think itself, but that it is prevented from doing what it wants to do. At the same time, one receives the sensation that what wants to enter the soul is the true reality, and that it alone can enlighten us about what we have experienced as reality up to now. This sensation also takes on the form that the supersensible reality shows itself as something that infinitely outshines the reality previously known to the soul. This sensation has something oppressive about it because one comes to the thought that the next step, which one now has to take, must be wanted. It is in the nature of what one has become through one's inner experience to take this step. It would feel like a denial of what one is, indeed like self-destruction, if one did not take the step. And yet the feeling can also arise that you cannot take it, or if you do take it, as it is possible, it remains imperfect.
[ 3 ] All this is transformed into the imagination: just as the soul is now, there is a task before it that it cannot accomplish because it is not received by the supersensible outer world as it is, because the latter does not want it within itself. Thus the soul comes to feel itself in opposition to the supersensible world, it must say to itself that you are not such as you can flow together with this world. But it can only show you the true reality, and also how you yourself relate to this true reality; you have thus separated yourself from the genuine observation of what is true. This feeling means an experience which becomes more and more decisive about the whole value of your own soul. You feel that you are standing with your full life in an error. But this error differs from other errors. These are thought, but it is experienced. An error that is thought is removed when the correct thought is put in the place of the incorrect thought. The experienced error has become a part of the life of the soul itself; one is the error; one cannot simply improve it, for one may think as one pleases, it is there, it is a part of reality, and indeed of one's own reality. Such an experience has a devastating effect on one's own self. One feels one's inwardness painfully repelled from everything one longs for. This pain, which is felt at a stage of transmigration, far surpasses all the pain that can be felt in the sensory world. And that is why it can also surpass everything that you have been able to cope with in your previous soul life. It can have a numbing effect. The soul is faced with the anxious question of where to find the strength to endure what is imposed on me. And it must find this strength within its own life. They consist in something that can be described as inner courage, as inner fearlessness.
[ 4 ] In order to progress further in the transmigration of the soul, one must be led to develop from within such powers of endurance of one's experiences that result in inner courage and inner fearlessness, such as one did not need for life within the sensual body. Such powers only arise through true self-knowledge. At this stage of development one basically realizes how little one has really known about oneself. We have left ourselves to our inner experience without looking at it in the same way as we look at a part of the outside world. However, through the steps that have led to the ability to experience outside the body, one receives special means of self-knowledge. One learns, so to speak, to look at oneself from a point of view that only arises when one is outside the sensory body. And the oppressive feeling described above is itself the beginning of true self-knowledge. Experiencing oneself in error in one's relationship to the outside world shows one's own soul being as it really is.
[ 5 ] Now it is in the nature of the human soul to experience such enlightenment about itself as painful. It is only when one experiences this pain that one realizes how strong the natural longing is to consider oneself as a human being, as one is, as valuable, as meaningful. It may seem ugly that this is so; one must freely confront this ugliness of one's own self. One did not feel this ugliness before for the very reason that one has never really penetrated one's own being with one's consciousness. It is only at such a moment that one realizes how one loves oneself, which one is now supposed to perceive as ugly. The power of self-love shows itself in all its greatness. And at the same time it shows how little inclination one has to discard this self-love. When it comes to the qualities of the soul that are relevant to ordinary life, to relationships with other people, the difficulty is great enough. Through true self-knowledge, for example, one learns that one has hitherto believed oneself to be benevolent towards a person, and yet one harbors hidden envy or hatred or the like in the depths of one's soul. You realize that these feelings, which have not yet come to light, will certainly want to express themselves one day. And one realizes that it would be quite superficial to say to oneself: now you have realized that this is the way things are with you, get rid of the envy and hatred within you. But one discovers that with such a thought one will certainly prove to be quite weak one day, when the urge to satisfy the hatred, to live out the envy, will burst forth from the soul as if by force of nature. Such special self-knowledge occurs in this or that person depending on the nature of his soul. They arise when experience occurs outside the sensory body, because then the self-knowledge becomes a true one and can no longer be clouded by the desire to find oneself in one way or another, as one only loves to be.
[ 6 ] This particular self-knowledge is painful, it is oppressive for the soul. Those who want to acquire the ability to experience outside the body cannot avoid them. For they necessarily arise through the very special relationship in which he must place himself to his own soul. But the strongest powers of the soul are needed when it is a question of quite general human self-knowledge. One observes oneself from a point of view that lies outside the previous life of the soul. You say to yourself: you have observed and judged the things and processes of the world according to your human nature. Try to imagine that you could not look at them and judge them in this way. Then you would not be what you are at all. You would have no inner experiences. You yourself would be nothing. It is not only the person who stands in everyday life and only rarely has ideas about the world and life who has to say this to himself. Every scientist, every philosopher must say so. For philosophy, too, is only an observation and judgment of the world according to the characteristics of the human soul. But such an assessment cannot flow together with the supersensible outer world. It is rejected by it. But this rejects everything that we have been up to now. One looks back on one's whole soul, on one's "I", as something that one must discard if one wants to enter the supersensible world. - But now the soul cannot do otherwise than regard this "I" as its actual being before it enters the supersensible world. It must see in it the true human entity. It must say to itself: through this ego of mine I must form ideas about the world; this ego of mine must not be lost if I do not want to lose myself as an entity. The strongest impulse in it is to preserve the ego everywhere in order not to lose all ground under its feet. What the soul must justifiably feel in ordinary life, it must no longer feel as soon as it enters the supersensible outer world. There it must cross a threshold at which it must not leave behind only one or two valuable possessions, at which it must leave behind what it has hitherto been to itself. It must be able to say to itself that what has hitherto been your strongest truth must now appear to you as the strongest error on the other side of the threshold to the supersensible world.
[ 7 ] The soul can shrink back in the face of such a demand. It can feel what it would have to do so strongly as a surrender, a declaration of nullity of its own being, that at the designated threshold it more or less admits its own powerlessness to meet the demand. This admission can take all kinds of forms. It can occur quite instinctively and appear to the person who thinks and acts in its sense as something quite different from what it really is. For example, he may feel a deep aversion to all supersensible truths. He may consider them to be dreams, fantasies. He only does this because he has a secret fear of these truths in the depths of his soul, which are unknown to him. He feels that he can only live with what the senses and the judgment of the intellect reveal. He therefore avoids approaching the threshold of the supersensible world. He cloaks this avoidance in such a way that he says that what lies beyond this threshold is not tenable before reason and science. But the point is that he loves reason and science, as he knows them, because they are bound to his ego. It is a very generally human form of self-love. But this cannot be included in the supersensible world.
[ 8 ] However, it can also happen that this instinctive stopping at the threshold is not enough. That the person consciously steps up to it and then turns back because he feels fear of what lies ahead. He will then not easily be able to blur the effects which his approach to the threshold will have on his ordinary soul life. These will lie in the consequences that the powerlessness he has felt spreads over his entire soul life.
[ 9 ] What is to occur is that man should make himself capable of discarding what he feels to be the strongest truth in ordinary life when he enters the supersensible world, and should set himself up in a different way of feeling and judging things. He must only be aware that when he is again confronted with the world of the senses, he must again use the mode of perception and judgment that is valid for it. He must not only learn to live in two worlds, but also to live in both in quite different ways. He must not impair his sound judgment for his ordinary standing in the sensory and intellectual world, because he is forced to use a different kind of judgment for another world.
[ 10 ] Such an opinion is difficult for the human being. The capacity for it is only attained through continued energetic and patient strengthening of the soul life. Whoever experiences the threshold feels that it is a blessing for the ordinary human soul life not to be led to this threshold. The sensations that arise in him are such that one cannot help but think that this benefit comes from an essential power that protects man from the danger of experiencing the horrors of self-destruction at the threshold. - Behind the outer world, which is given to ordinary life, lies another. Before its threshold stands a strict guardian who ensures that man experiences nothing of the laws of the supersensible world. For all doubts, all uncertainty about this world are even easier to bear than the sight of what one must leave behind when one wants to enter it.
[ 11 ] Man remains protected from the experiences described as long as he does not approach this threshold himself. The fact that they receive stories of their experiences from those who have entered or crossed this threshold does not change the fact that they are protected. On the other hand, such acceptance can serve him in a good sense when he approaches the threshold. In this case, as in many others, an action is better accomplished if one can form an idea of it beforehand than in the opposite case. However, such foreknowledge does nothing to change what the wanderer into the supersensible world is supposed to gain in self-knowledge. It is therefore not in accordance with the facts when some clairvoyant persons or persons familiar with the nature of clairvoyance claim that such things should not be spoken of at all in the circle of people who are not about to make the decision to enter the supersensible world themselves. We are currently living in a time in which people must become more and more familiar with the nature of the supersensible world if they want to be able to cope with the demands of life. The dissemination of supersensible knowledge and thus also that of the Guardian of the Threshold is one of the tasks of the present and the near future.