A Road to Self-Knowledge
GA 16
Sixth Meditation
In which the Attempt is made to form a Conception of the Ego-Body or Thought-Body
[ 1 ] The feeling of being outside our physical body is stronger during experiences within the astral body than during those within the elemental body. In the case of the elemental body we feel ourselves outside the region in which the physical body exists, and yet we feel connected with the latter body. In the astral body we feel the physical body itself as something outside our own being. On passing into the elemental body we feel something like an expansion of our own being; but in identifying our consciousness with the astral body it is as though we made a jump into another being. And we feel a world of spiritual beings sending their activities into that being. We feel ourselves in some way or other connected with or related to these beings. And by degrees we learn to know how these beings are mutually connected. To our human consciousness the world widens out in the direction of the spiritual. We behold spiritual beings, for example, who bring about the succession of epochs in the development of mankind so that we realise that the different characters of the different epochs are, as it were, stamped upon them by real spiritual entities. These are the Spirits of Time or Primordial Powers (Archai). We learn to know other beings, whose psychic life is such that their thoughts are at the same time active forces of nature. We are led to understand that only to physical perception do the forces of nature appear to be constituted as physical perception imagines them to be. That in fact everywhere, where a force of nature is acting, the thought of some being is expressing itself just as a human soul finds expression in the movement of a hand. All this is not as though man by the aid of any theory is able in thought to place living beings at the back of nature's processes; when we realise ourselves in our astral body we enter into quite as concrete and real a relation to those beings as that between human individuals in the physical world. Among the spirits into whose realm we thus penetrate we discover a series of gradations, and we may thus speak of a world of higher hierarchies. Those beings whose thoughts manifest themselves to physical perception as forces of nature we may call Spirits of Form.
[ 2 ] Experience in that world assumes that we feel our physical being as something outside us, in the same way as in physical existence we look upon a plant as a thing outside ourselves. We shall feel this state of being outside all that in ordinary life must be felt as the whole compass of our own being, as a very painful one, so long as it is not accompanied by a certain other experience. If the inner work of the soul has been energetically carried on and has led to a proper deepening and strengthening of the life of our soul, it is not necessary that this pain should be very pronounced. For a slow and gradual entrance into that second experience may be accomplished simultaneously with our entrance into the astral body as our natural vehicle.
[ 3 ] This second experience will consist in obtaining the capacity for considering all that, which before filled and was connected with our own soul, as a kind of recollection, so that we stand in the same relation to our own former ego as we do to our recollections in the physical world. Only through such an experience do we attain to full consciousness of ourselves as truly living with our own real being in a world quite different from that of the senses. We now possess the knowledge that that which we carry about with us and have hitherto considered as our ego is something different from what we really are. We are now able to stand opposite to ourselves, and we may form an idea concerning that which now confronts our own soul and of which it formerly said, “That is myself.” Now the soul no longer says, “That is myself,” but, “ I am carrying that something about with me.” Just as the ego in ordinary life feels independent of its own recollections, so our newly-found ego feels itself independent of our former ego. It feels that it belongs to a world of purely spiritual beings. And as this experience—a real experience: no mere theory—comes to us, so we realise what that really is which we hitherto considered as our ego. It presents itself as a web of recollections, produced by the physical, the elemental, and the astral bodies in the same way as an image is produced by a mirror. Just as little as a man identifies himself with his reflected picture, so little does the soul, experiencing itself in the spiritual world, identify itself with that which it experiences of itself in the world of the senses. The comparison with the reflected image is, of course, to be taken merely as a comparison.
For the reflected image vanishes when we change our position with regard to the mirror. The web woven of recollections and representing what we in the physical world consider as our own being, has a greater degree of independence than the image in the mirror. It has in a certain way a being of its own. And yet to the real being of the soul it is only like a picture of our real self. The real being of the soul feels that this picture is needed for the manifestation of its real self. This real being knows that it is something different, but also that it would never have attained to any real knowledge of itself if it had not at first realised itself as its own image within that world, which, after its ascent into the spiritual world, becomes an outer world.
[ 4 ] The web of recollection which we now regard as our former ego may be called the “ego—body” or “thought—body.” The word “body” must in this connection be taken in a wider sense than that which is usually called a “body.” By “body ” is here meant all that we experience as belonging to us and of which we do not say, “We are it,” but, “We possess it.”
Only when clairvoyant consciousness has arrived at the point where it experiences, as a sum of recollections, that which it formerly considered to be itself, does it become possible to acquire real experience of what is hidden behind the phenomenon of death. For then we have arrived at a truly real world in which we feel ourselves as beings who are able to retain, as though in a memory, what has been experienced in the world of the senses. This sum total of experiences in the physical world needs—in order to continue its existence—a being who is able to retain it in the same way in which the ordinary ego retains its recollections. Supersensible knowledge discloses that man has an existence within the world of spiritual beings, and that it is he himself who keeps within him his physical existence as a recollection. The question what after death will become of all that I now am, receives the following answer from clairvoyant investigation: “You will continue to be yourself just to that extent to which you realise that self to be a spiritual being amongst other spiritual beings.”
[ 5 ] We realise the nature of these spiritual beings and amongst them our own nature. And this knowledge is direct experience. Through it we know that spiritual beings, and with them our own soul, have an existence of which the physical existence is but a passing manifestation. If to ordinary consciousness it appears—as shown in the First Meditation—that the body belongs to a world whose real part in it is proved by its dissolution therein after death, clairvoyant observation teaches us that the real human ego belongs to a world to which it is attached by bonds quite different from those which connect the body with the laws of nature. The bonds which attach the ego to the spiritual beings of the supersensible world are not touched in their innermost character either by birth or by death. In physical existence these bonds only show themselves in a special way. That which appears in this world is the expression of realities of a supersensible nature. Now as man as such is a supersensible being, and also appears so to supersensible observation, so the bonds between souls in the supersensible world are not affected by death. And that anxious question which comes before the ordinary consciousness of the soul in this primitive form: “ Shall I meet again after death those with whom I know I have been connected during physical existence?” must, by any real investigator, who is entitled to form a judgment based upon experience, be emphatically answered in the affirmative.
[ 6 ] Everything that has been said of the being of the soul experiencing itself as a spiritual reality within the world of other spiritual beings, may be seen and confirmed if we strengthen the life of our soul in the way mentioned before. And it is possible to make this easier and to help oneself along by the development of special feelings. In ordinary life in the physical world we take up such a position to all that we feel to be our fate, as to feel sympathy or antipathy for different occurrences. A self—observer, who is able to remain quite unbiased, must admit that these sympathies and antipathies are some of the strongest that man is able to feel. Ordinary reflection upon the fact that everything in life is a result of necessity, and that we have to bear our fate, may certainly take us a long way towards a deliberate attitude of mind in life. But in order to be able to grasp something of the real being of man still more is required. The reflection described will do excellent service in the life of our soul. We may, however, often find that those sympathies and antipathies of the kind mentioned, which we have been able to discard, have only disappeared from our immediate consciousness. They have retired into the deeper strata of human nature and manifest themselves as a certain mood of the soul or as a feeling of slackness or some other such sensation in the body. Real imperturbability with regard to fate is only acquired when we behave in this matter in just the same way as in the repeated concentrated surrender to thoughts or feelings for the purpose of strengthening the soul in general. A reflection only leading to intellectual understanding is not sufficient. It is necessary to live intensely with such a reflection, and to continue in it for a certain period of time while keeping away all experiences appertaining to the senses or other recollections of ordinary life. Through such exercises we arrive at a certain fundamental attitude of mind towards fate. It is possible radically to do away with sympathies and antipathies in this respect and finally to consider everything that happens to us quite as unconcernedly as an observer watches water falling over a mountainside and splashing down beneath. It is not meant that in this way we ought to arrive at facing our own fate without any feelings whatever. One who becomes indifferent to anything that happens to him is surely on no profitable track. We certainly do not remain indifferent to the outer world with regard to things not touching our own soul as part of our fate. We look upon things happening before our eyes with pleasure or with pain. Indifference to life should not be sought, when we strive after supersensible knowledge, but transformation of the direct interest that the ego takes in its own fate. It is quite possible that by such transformation the vividness of the life of feeling is strengthened and not weakened. In ordinary life tears are shed over many things that happen to our own soul in the way of fate. We are, however, able to win our way to a standpoint where the unfortunate fate of others awakens in our soul the same keen interest and feeling as are induced by our own unhappy experiences. It is easier to arrive at such a standpoint with regard to misfortunes that fate brings us than, for example, with regard to our mental capacities. It is not so easy, after all, to experience as great a joy when you discover a capacity in another, as when you discover that you possess that capacity yourself. When self—observation strives to penetrate into the depths of the soul, much selfish satisfaction with many things which we can do ourselves may be discovered. An intense, repeated meditative union with the thought, that in many instances it is quite indifferent to the course of human life whether we ourselves or others are able to do certain things, may carry us a long way towards true imperturbability with regard to that which we feel to be the innermost working of fate in our own lives. Such inner reinforcement of the life of our soul, by steeping it in thought, when rightly done, can never lead to a mere blunting of our feeling for our own capacities. Instead they are transformed and we realise the necessity of behaving in accordance with these capacities.
[ 7 ] And here we have already indicated the direction taken by this strengthening of the life of the soul by thought. We learn to realise something in ourselves which appears to the soul as a second being within it. This becomes especially manifest, when we connect with it thoughts which show how in ordinary life we bring about this or that event in our destiny. We are able to see that this or that would not have happened to us, if we had not behaved in a certain way at an earlier period in our life. What happens to us to—day is truly in many ways the result of what we did yesterday. We may now, with the intention of carrying our soul's experience further than some point at which we have arrived, look back upon our past experience. We may then search out all that shows how we ourselves have prepared our later destinies. We may try in so doing to go back so far as to reach that point where the consciousness awakens in the child, which enables it later in life to remember what it has experienced. If we set about this retrospect in such a way that we combine with it an attitude of mind which eliminates the usual selfish sympathies and antipathies with regard to occurrences in our own destiny, then, having reached in memory the above—mentioned point in our childhood, we face ourselves in such a way as to be able to say: At that time the possibility of feeling ourselves in ourselves and of conscious work upon the life of our soul first presented itself; but this ego of ours was there before, and it, although not working consciously within us, has brought us our capacity for knowledge as well as everything we now know. The attitude towards our own destiny just described brings about what no intellectual reflection is able to produce. We learn to look at the events of destiny with equanimity; we meet them with an unprejudiced mind; but we see in the being who brings these happenings upon us our own self. And when we look upon ourselves in this way, we find that the conditions of our own destiny, already given us at birth, are connected with our own self. We win our way to the conviction that just as we have worked upon ourselves since the awakening of our consciousness, so we had already been working before our present consciousness awoke. Now such a working of ourselves up to the realisation of a higher ego—being within the ordinary ego leads us not only to admit that our thoughts have brought us to a theoretical statement of the existence of such a higher ego, but also makes us realise as a power within ourselves the living activity of this ego in all its reality and feel the ordinary ego as a creation of the other. This feeling is, in fact, the first step towards beholding the spiritual being of the soul. And if it leads to nothing, it is because we rest satisfied with the beginning only. This beginning may be a scarcely perceptible dull sensation. It may remain so perhaps for a long time. But if we strongly and energetically pursue the course which has led us up to this beginning, we shall at last arrive at beholding the soul as a spiritual being. And having brought ourselves thus far we shall easily understand why some one, without any experience in these matters, may say that in believing we see such things we have only created an imaginative picture of a higher ego through auto—suggestion. But one who has had the experience knows that such an objection can only be derived from lack of this very experience. For those who seriously go through this development acquire at the same time the capacity to distinguish between realities and the pictures of their own imagination. The inner activities and experiences which are necessary during such a pilgrimage of the soul, if it is a right one, make us practise the greatest circumspection towards ourselves with regard to imagination and reality. When we systematically strive to attain the experience of ourselves in the higher ego as spiritual beings, we shall consider as the principal experience that which is described at the beginning of this meditation and look upon the rest as a help to the soul on its pilgrimage.
Sechste Meditation
Der Meditierende versucht eine Vorstellung des «Ich-Leibes», oder «Gedanken-Leibes» zu bilden
[ 1 ] Das Gefühl, außerhalb seines Sinnenleibes zu sein, hat man beim Erleben innerhalb des astralischen Leibes stärker als beim Erleben im elementarischen Leibe. Bei diesem fühlt man sich außer dem Gebiete, in welchem der Sinnenleib ist; aber man fühlt diesen mit. Im astralischen Leibe aber fühlt man den Sinnenleib selbst als etwas Äußeres. Beim Übergang in den elementarischen Leib empfindet man etwas wie eine Erweiterung der eigenen Wesenheit, beim Einleben in den astralischen Leib dagegen eine Art Überspringen in eine andre Wesenheit. Und in diese Wesenheit fühlt man eine geistige Welt von Wesenheiten hereinwirkend. Man empfindet sich in der einen oder andern Art verbunden, oder auch verwandt mit diesen Wesenheiten. Und man lernt allmählich erkennen, wie diese Wesenheiten selbst zueinander stehen. Es erweitert sich für das menschliche Bewußtsein die Welt nach dem Geiste hin. Der Mensch schaut geistige Wesenheiten, welche zum Beispiele bewirken, dass die aufeinanderfolgenden Epochen der Menschheitsentwickelung in ihrem Charakter wirklich von Wesenheiten bestimmt werden. Es sind dies die Zeitgeister, oder Urkräfte. Andre Wesen lernt man kennen, deren Dasein seelisch so verläuft, dass ihre Gedanken zugleich wirksame Naturkräfte sind. Man kommt dazu, anzuerkennen, dass es nur für das sinnliche Wahrnehmen mit den Naturkräften so bestellt erscheint, wie eben dieses sinnliche Wahrnehmen glaubt. Dass vielmehr in Wirklichkeit überall da, wo eine Naturkraft wirkt, sich ein Gedanke einer Wesenheit auslebt, wie in der Bewegung der Hand eine menschliche Seele sich auslebt. - Dies alles ist nicht etwa so, dass der Mensch durch irgendeine Theorie sich zu den Naturvorgängen hinter diesen stehende Wesenheiten hinzudenkt; der im astralischen Leibe sich Erlebende tritt zu diesen Wesenheiten in ein so begriff-freies, konkretes Verhältnis, wie der Mensch in der Sinnenwelt zu andern individuellen Menschen tritt. - Man kann innerhalb der Wesenheiten, in deren Gebiet man auf diese Art eintritt, eine Stufenreihe unterscheiden und von einer Welt von höheren Hierarchien sprechen. Die Wesenheiten, deren Gedanken dem sinnlichen Wahrnehmen als Naturkräfte sich offenbaren, kann man Geister der Form nennen.
[ 2 ] Das Erleben in dieser Welt bedingt, dass man sein Wesen innerhalb der Sinnenwelt so als Äußeres empfindet, wie man im Sinnensein eine Pflanze als äußeres Wesen anschaut. - Man wird diese Art, außerhalb dessen zu sein, was man im gewöhnlichen Leben als den ganzen Umfang der eigenen Wesenheit empfinden muß, so lange als höchst schmerzvoll empfinden, als nicht ein anderes Erleben hinzutritt. Bei einem energischen inneren seelischen Arbeiten, das zur rechten Verdichtung und Verstärkung des Seelenlebens führt, ist nicht notwendig, dass gerade dieser Schmerz in besonders starkem Maße auftritt. Denn es kann ein langsames Hineintreten in das andre Erleben zugleich mit dem Einleben in den astralischen Leib sich einstellen.
[ 3 ] Dieses andre Erleben wird darinnen bestehen, dass man alles, was in und an der eignen Seele vorher war, als eine Art Erinnerung empfinden kann, und dass man also zu seinem Ich, wie es vorher war, sich so verhält, wie man sich in der Sinnenwelt zu Erinnerungen verhält. Erst durch ein solches Erleben erringt man das volle Bewußtsein, dass man wahrhaftig selbst, in einer ganz andren Welt, als die Sinnenwelt ist, mit seiner eigenen Wesenheit darinnen lebt. Man hat nunmehr ein Wissen davon, dass man das bisherige «Ich» als etwas anderes, als man eigentlich ist, an sich trägt. Man kann sich nun selbst sich gegenüberstellen. Und man erhält eine Vorstellung von dem, was der eignen Seele jetzt gegenübersteht, und wovon sie vorher gesagt hat: das bin ich selbst. Jetzt sagt sie nicht mehr, das bin ich selbst, sondern, das trage ich als etwas an mir. Wie sich das Ich im gewöhnlichen Leben als selbständig gegenüber seinen Erinnerungen fühlt, so fühlt sich das nunmehr errungne Ich gegenüber dem frühern Ich selbständig. Es fühlt sich der Welt rein geistiger Wesenheiten angehörig. Und so, wie sich diese Erfahrung - und zwar diese und wieder nicht eine Theorie - gibt, erkennt man, was das eigentlich ist, was man bisher als seine Ichwesenheit angesehen hat. Es stellt sich dar wie ein Gewebe aus Erinnerungsvorstellungen, die so von dem Sinnenleib, von dem elementatischen und astralischen Leibe bewirkt werden wie ein Spiegelbild durch einen Spiegel. So wenig sich ein Mensch für eins hält mit seinem Spiegelbild, so wenig hält sich die Seele, welche sich in der geistigen Welt erlebt, für eines mit dem, was sie von sich in der Sinnenwelt erlebt. Der Vergleich mit dem Spiegelbild kann naturgemäß nur als ein Vergleich genommen werden. Denn das Spiegelbild hört auf, wenn der Mensch seine Lage zum Spiegel entsprechend ändert. Das Gewebe, das wie aus Erinnerungsvorstellungen gewoben ist und darstellt, was man in der Sinnenwelt für sein eigenes Wesen ansieht, hat eine größere Selbständigkeit als ein Spiegelbild. Es hat auf seine Art eine Wesenheit für sich. Und doch ist es dem wahrhaften Seelensein gegenüber wie ein Bild der eigenen Wesenheit. Das wahrhafte Seelensein empfindet, dass es dieses Bild zu seiner Selbstoffenbarung nötig hat. Es weiß, dass es etwas andres ist, dass es aber nie dazu gelangt wäre, von sich wirklich etwas zu wissen, wenn es sich nicht zuerst als sein eigenes Abbild in jener Welt erfaßt hätte, die ihm nach seinem Aufstieg in die geistige Welt eine Außenwelt geworden ist.
[ 4 ] Das Gewebe von Erinnerungsvorstellungen, das man nunmehr als sein früheres «Ich» anschaut, kann man den «Ich-Leib» oder auch «Gedankenleib» nennen. Das Wort «Leib» muß in einem solchen Zusammenhange in einem erweiterten Sinne dem gegenüber genommen werden, was man sonst gewohnt ist, einen «Leib» zu nennen. «Leib» bedeutet hier eben alles, was man an sich erlebt, und von dem man nicht sagt, man ist es, sondern man hat es an sich. Erst wenn das hellsichtige Bewußtsein dahin gelangt ist, dasjenige, was es bisher als sich selbst bezeichnet hat, wie eine Summe von Erinnerungsvorstellungen zu erleben, kann es eine Erfahrung von dem im wahrhaften Sinne gewinnen, was sich hinter der Erscheinung des Todes verbirgt. Denn es ist jetzt an die Wesenheit einer wahrhaft wirklichen Welt herangelangt, in welcher es sich selber als ein Wesen erfühlt, das wie in einem Gedächtnisse festhalten kann, was im Sinnesdasein erlebt wird. Dieses im Sinnensein Erlebte bedarf, um sein Dasein weiter zu leben, einer Wesenheit, von welcher es so festgehalten werden kann, wie die Erinnerungsvorsteilungen im Sinnensein von dem gewöhnlichen Ich festgehalten werden. Die übersinnliche Erkenntnis offenbart, dass der Mensch innerhalb der Welt geistiger Wesenheit ein Dasein hat, und dass er es selbst ist, der sein Sinnendasein innerhalb Seiner wie eine Erinnerung aufbewahrt. Die Frage, was kann nach dem Tode alles das sein, was ich jetzt bin, beantwortet sich für die hellseherische Forschung so: du wirst sein, was du von dir selbst bewahrst kraft deines Daseins als ein Geistwesen unter andern Geistwesen.
[ 5 ] Man erkennt die Natur dieser Geistwesen und innerhalb derselben seine eigene. Und diese Erkenntnis ist unmittelbares Erleben. Man weiß durch dasselbe, dass die Geistwesen und mit ihnen auch die eigne Seele ein Dasein haben, für welches das Sinnensei eine vorübergehende Offenbarung ist. - Zeigt sich für das gewöhnliche Bewußtsein - im Sinne der ersten Meditation - dass der Leib einer Welt angehört, deren wahrer Anteil an ihm sich in seiner Auflösung nach dem Tode offenbart, so zeigt die hellseherische Beobachtung dass das menschliche Ichwesen einer Welt angehört, an welche sie durch ganz andere Bande gebunden ist, als der Leib an die Naturgesetze. Die Bande, mit denen das Ichwesen an die Geistwesen der übersinnlichen Welt gebunden ist werden von Geburt und Tod in ihrer innersten Wesenheit nicht berührt. Im sinnlichen Leibesleben offenbaren sich diese Bande nur in einer besonderen Art. Was in diesem Leben erscheint, ist der Ausdruck für Zusammenhänge, welche übersinnlicher Art sind. Da nun der Mensch als solcher ein übersinnliches Wesen ist - und für die übersinnliche Beobachtung auch als solches erscheint, so ist auch im Übersinnlichen der Zusammenhang von Menschenseele zu Menschenseele nicht durch den Tod beeinträchtigt. Und was der Seele als bange Frage vor das gewöhnliche Bewußtsein in der primitiven Form tritt: werde ich diejenigen, welche ich im Sinnesleben mit mir verbunden gewußt habe, nach dem Tode wiederschauen, muß von der wirklichen Forschung, die auf diesem Gebiete zu einem Erfahrungsurteil berechtigt ist, mit einem entschiedenen «Ja» beantwortet werden.
[ 6 ] Alles, was hier für das Erleben des Seelenwesens als geistige Wirklichkeit innerhalb der Welt anderer Geistwesen gesagt worden ist, kann durch die schon oft erwähnte Verstärkung des Seelenlebens geschaut werden. Man kann aber noch durch besondere Empfindungen, welche man ausbildet, diesem Erleben eine Hilfe zuführen. - Im gewöhnlichen Erleben innerhalb der Sinnenwelt stellt man sich zu dem, was man als sein Schicksal empfindet, so, dass man das eine als sympathisch, das andre als antipathisch empfindet. Eine Selbstbesinnung, welche sich selbst gegenüber ganz unbefangen sein kann, wird sich gestehen müssen, dass die hier in Betracht kommenden Sympathien und Antipathien zu den stärksten gehören, welche der Mensch empfinden kann. Eine gewöhnliche Überlegung etwa von der Art, dass doch alles notwendig sei im Leben, dass man sein Schicksal ertragen müsse, kann zwar sehr weit führen für eine gelassene Lebensstimmung. Um aber für ein Erfassen des wahren Menschenwesens etwas zu erzielen, ist noch mehr notwendig. Die gekennzeichnete Überlegung wird dem Seelenleben die besten Dienste leisten; doch wird man oft bemerken können, dass dasjenige, was man an Sympathien und Antipathien in der angegebenen Richtung abgestreift hat, nur verschwunden ist für das unmittelbare Bewußtsein. Es hat sich in die tieferen Gründe des Menschenwesens zurückgezogen und lebt sich aus als Seelenstimmung, oder auch als Abspannungs- oder sonstige Gefühle des Leibes. Wahre Gleichmütigkeit gegenüber dem Schicksale erlangt man nur, wenn man auf diesem Felde sich genau so verhält wie mit dem wiederholten, verstärkten Hingeben an Gedanken oder Empfindungen zur Seelenverstärkung im allgemeinen. Es genügt nicht die Überlegung, welche es bis zur Verstandeseinsicht bringt, sondern es bedarf eines intensiven Zusammenlebens mit solcher Überlegung, eines durch Zeiten dauernden Festhaltens derselben in der Seele mit gleichzeitigem Entfernthalten der Sinneserlebnisse und der übrigen Lebenserinnerungen. Durch solche Übung kommt man zu einer gewissen Grund-Seelenstimmung gegenüber seinem Lebensschicksal. Man kann gründlich aus sich heraustreiben die Antipathien und Sympathien auf diesem Gebiete und kann zuletzt alles, was dem Menschen geschieht, an ihn herankommen sehen, wie man als völlig äußerer Beobachter einen Wasserstrahl über einen Felsen fallen und unten aufschlagen sieht. Es ist damit nicht gesagt, dass man auf solche Art dazu gelangen solle, gefühlios seinem Schicksale gegenüberzustehen. Wer dazu kommt, mit Gleichgültigkeit auf alles zu sehen, was mit ihm geschieht, der ist ganz gewiß auf keinem gedeihlichen Wege. Man steht aber doch nicht anteilslos der Außenwelt gegenüber in bezug auf dasjenige, was die eigene Seele nicht schicksalsmäßig berührt. Man sieht, was vor den Augen sich abspielt, mit Freude oder mit Abneigung. Nicht Anteilslosigkeit am Leben soll der nach übersinnlicher Erkenntnis Strebende suchen, sondern Umwandlung des Anteils, welchen das «Ich» in bezug auf alles zunächst hat, was es schicksalsmäßig berührt. Es kann durchaus vorkommen, dass durch diese Umwandlung die Lebhaftigkeit des Gefühlswesens sogar verstärkt, nicht abgeschwächt wird. Im gewöhnlichen Leben pressen sich über manches die Tränen in die Augen, was die eigne Seele betrifft in schicksalsmäßiger Art. Man kann sich aber auch zu dem Gesichtspunkt durchringen, dass man das gleiche lebhafte Gefühl seinem eigenen Mißgeschick gegenüber hat, das man empfindet, wenn dasselbe einen andern Menschen trifft. Es gelangt der Mensch leichter zu einer solchen Art des Erlebens in bezug auf die Vorfälle, die ihn schicksalsmäßig treffen, als zum Beispiele in bezug auf die eigenen Fähigkeiten. Der Gedanke ist denn doch nicht so leicht erreichbar, der sich ebenso in Freude auslebt, wenn ein anderer eine Fähigkeit hat, als wenn man diese selbst besitzt. Wenn Selbstbesinnung vorzudringen sucht bis in die tiefsten Seelengründe, so kann da manches entdeckt werden an selbstischer Freude über so manches, was man selbst kann. Ein intensives, wiederholtes (meditatives) Zusammenleben mit dem Gedanken, dass es in vieler Beziehung für den Gang des Menschenlebens doch gleich ist, ob man selbst, oder ob ein andrer etwas kann, vermag weit zu führen in bezug auf wahre Gelassenheit gegenüber dem, was man als innerstes Lebensschicksal empfindet. - Es kann solche innere gedankenkräftige Verstärkung des Seelenlebens, wenn sie richtig angestellt wird, nur nie dazu führen, dass man das Gefühl für seine Fähigkeiten bloß abstumpft: man verwandelt es vielmehr. Man empfindet die Notwendigkeit, sich diesen Fähigkeiten entsprechend zu verhalten.
[ 7 ] Und damit ist schon hingedeutet auf die Richtung, welche eine solche gedankenkräftige Verstärkung des Seelenlebens nimmt. Man lernt in sich etwas erkennen, was der Seele im eigenen Innern als ein zweites Wesen erscheint. Besonders offenbart sich dies, wenn man damit die Gedanken verbindet, welche zeigen, wie man im gewöhnlichen Leben dies oder jenes im Schicksal herbeiführt. Man kann doch wahrnehmen, dieses oder jenes wäre mit dir nicht geschehen, wenn du selbst in einer früheren Zeit nicht dich in einer gewissen Art verhalten hättest. Was dem Menschen heute geschieht, ergibt sich ja vielfach aus dem, was er gestern getan hat. Man kann nun mit dem Ziele, sein Seelenerleben weiter zu führen, als es in einem gewissen Zeitpunkt ist, einen Rückblick anstellen in das bisherige Erleben. Man kann dabei alles aufsuchen, welches zeigt, wie man spätere Schicksalsvorfälle vorher selbst vorbereitet hat. Man kann versuchen, mit einem solchen Rückblick auf das Leben bis zu jenem Zeitpunkte zu kommen, in welchem beim Kinde das Bewußtsein so erwacht, dass es sich im späteren Leben an das erinnert, was es erlebt hat. Stellt man einen solchen Rückblick so an, dass man mit ihm die Seelenstimmung verbindet, welche die gewöhnlichen seibstischen Sympathien und Antipathien mit schicksalsmäßigen Vorfällen ausschaltet, so steht man, wenn man erinnerungsmäßig den bezeichneten Zeitpunkt des Kindeslebens erreicht, sich so gegenüber, dass man sich sagt: da hat wohl die Möglichkeit erst begonnen, dass du dich in dir fühlst und an deinem Seelenleben bewußt arbeitest; dieses dein «Ich» war aber auch vorher da, es hat zwar nicht wissend in dir gearbeitet, aber dich sogar zu deiner Wissensfähigkeit wie zu allem andern, wovon du weißt, erst gebracht. Was keine verstandesmäßige Überlegung erkennen kann, das führt die geschilderte Stellung zu dem eignen Lebensschicksale herbei. Man lernt auf die Schicksalsvorfälle blicken; mit Gelassenheit; man sieht sie unbefangen an sich herantreten; aber man erschaut sich selbst in der Wesenheit, welche diese Vorfälle heranbringt. Und wenn man sich in solcher Art schaut, so stellen sich der Seele die Bedingungen des eignen Schicksals, die schon mit der Geburt gegeben sind, verbunden mit dem eigenen Selbst dar. Man ringt sich durch, zu sagen, wie du an dir gearbeitet hast in der Zeit, nachdem dein Bewußtsein erwacht ist, so hast du auch schon an dir gearbeitet, bevor dein gegenwärtiges Bewußtsein erwacht ist. Ein solches Sich-Hindurcharbeiten zu einem übergeordneten Ichwesen in dem gewöhnlichen Ich führt nicht nur dazu, sich sagen zu können, mein Gedanke bringt mich dazu, ein solches übergeordnetes Ich theoretisch zu ersinnen, sondern es führt dazu, das lebendige Wesen dieses «Ich» in seiner Wirklichkeit als Macht in sich zu erfühlen, und das gewöhnliche Ich als ein Geschöpf dieses Anderen in sich zu empfinden. Dieses Fühlen ist ein wahrhafter Anfang des Schauens der Geistwesenheit der Seele. Und wenn es zu nichts führt, so liegt das nur daran, dass man es beim Anfang bewenden läßt. Dieser Anfang kann ein kaum bemerkbares, dumpfes Empfinden sein. Er wird dies vielleicht lange bleiben. Doch wenn man stark und kräftig das weiter verfolgt, was zu diesem Anfang geführt hat, bringt man es zuletzt zum Schauen der Seele als Geistwesenheit. Und wer es zu diesem Schauen gebracht hat, der findet es ganz begreiflich, wenn jemand, der keine Erfahrung auf diesem Gebiete sich verschafft hat, sagt, derjenige, der solches zu schauen glaubt, habe sich nur durch seelisches Gebahren zur Einbildung - Autosuggestion - des übergeordneten Ich gebracht. Doch weiß der mit solchem Schauen Ausgerüstete auch, dass ein so gearteter Einwand nur von diesem Fehlen der Erfahrung herrühren kann. Denn wer im Ernste das Geschilderte durchmacht, der eignet sich zugleich auch die Fähigkeit an, seine Einbildungen von Wirklichkeiten unterscheiden zu können. Die inneren Erlebnisse und Betätigungen, die auf solcher Seelenwanderschaft notwendig sind, wenn sie eine richtige sein soll, führt dazu, gegen sich selbst in bezug auf Einbildung und Wirklichkeit die strengste Vorsicht anzuwenden. Man wird, wenn zielvoll angestrebt wird, in dem übergeordneten «Ich» sich als Geistwesen zu erleben, das Haupterlebnis in demjenigen sehen, was zu Anfang dieser Meditation charakterisiert ist, und das an zweiter Stelle Angeführte als eine Hilfe der Seelenwanderschaft anerkennen.
Sixth meditation
The meditator tries to form an idea of the "I-body", or "thought-body"
[ 1 ] The feeling of being outside one's sensory body is stronger when experiencing within the astral body than when experiencing in the elementary body. In the latter, one feels outside the area in which the sensory body is; but one feels it too. In the astral body, however, one feels the sensory body itself as something external. When passing into the elementary body one feels something like an extension of one's own entity, but when entering the astral body one feels a kind of leaping over into another entity. And into this entity one feels a spiritual world of beings working in. One feels connected in one way or another, or even related to these entities. And one gradually learns to recognize how these beings themselves relate to each other. The world expands for the human consciousness towards the spirit. Man sees spiritual entities which, for example, cause the successive epochs of human development to be really determined in their character by entities. These are the spirits of time, or elemental forces. We get to know other beings whose existence proceeds in such a way that their thoughts are at the same time effective forces of nature. We come to recognize that it is only for sensory perception that the forces of nature appear to be as this sensory perception believes them to be. In reality, wherever a natural force is at work, a thought of an entity is expressed, just as a human soul is expressed in the movement of the hand. - All this is not because man, through some theory or other, imagines entities standing behind the natural processes; the person experiencing himself in the astral body enters into such a concept-free, concrete relationship with these entities as man enters into with other individual human beings in the sense world. - Within the entities into whose realm one enters in this way, one can distinguish a series of levels and speak of a world of higher hierarchies. The entities whose thoughts reveal themselves to sensory perception as natural forces can be called spirits of form.
[ 2 ] Experience in this world requires that one perceives one's being within the world of the senses as something external, just as one looks at a plant as an external being in the senses. - One will experience this way of being outside of what one must feel in ordinary life as the whole extent of one's own being as extremely painful as long as no other experience is added. In the case of energetic inner spiritual work, which leads to the right condensation and strengthening of the soul life, it is not necessary for this pain to occur to a particularly strong degree. For a slow entry into the other experience can occur at the same time as living in the astral body.
[ 3 ] This other experience will consist in the fact that one can feel everything that was previously in and about one's own soul as a kind of memory, and that one thus relates to one's ego as it was before in the same way as one relates to memories in the sensory world. Only through such an experience does one attain the full awareness that one truly lives in a completely different world than the sense world, with one's own being in it. One now has the knowledge that one carries the previous "I" as something other than what one actually is. You can now confront yourself. And you get an idea of what is now facing your own soul and of which it previously said: I am myself. Now it no longer says, I am this myself, but rather, I carry this as something on me. Just as the ego in ordinary life feels itself to be independent of its memories, so the ego that has now arisen feels itself to be independent of the former ego. It feels that it belongs to the world of purely spiritual entities. And as this experience - and again not a theory - presents itself, one recognizes what that which one has hitherto regarded as one's ego entity actually is. It presents itself as a fabric of memories that are effected by the sensory body, by the elemental and astral body, like a reflection through a mirror. As little as a person considers himself one with his mirror image, so little does the soul, which experiences itself in the spiritual world, consider itself one with what it experiences of itself in the sense world. The comparison with the mirror image can naturally only be taken as a comparison. For the mirror image ceases to exist when the person changes their position in relation to the mirror. The fabric, which is woven as if from memories and represents what one sees in the world of the senses as one's own being, has a greater independence than a mirror image. In its own way, it has an essence of its own. And yet it is like an image of its own essence to the true soul being. The true being of the soul feels that it needs this image for its self-revelation. It knows that it is something else, but that it would never have come to really know anything about itself if it had not first grasped itself as its own image in that world which has become an external world for it after its ascent into the spiritual world.
[ 4 ] The fabric of memories that one now sees as one's former "I" can be called the "I-body" or also "thought body". In such a context, the word "body" must be taken in a broader sense than what we are otherwise used to calling a "body". "Body" here means everything that one experiences in oneself and of which one does not say that one is it, but that one has it in oneself. Only when the clairvoyant consciousness has reached the point of experiencing that which it has hitherto described as itself as a sum of memories, can it gain an experience in the true sense of what is hidden behind the appearance of death. For it has now reached the essence of a truly real world, in which it feels itself as a being that can hold on to what is experienced in sense existence as if in a memory. In order to continue to live its existence, what is experienced in the senses requires an entity that can hold on to it in the same way as the ordinary ego holds on to its memory pre-divisions in the senses. Supersensible knowledge reveals that man has an existence within the world of spiritual being, and that it is he himself who retains his sense existence within it like a memory. The question, what can I be after death that which I am now, is answered for clairvoyant research as follows: you will be what you retain of yourself by virtue of your existence as a spiritual being among other spiritual beings.
[ 5 ] You recognize the nature of these spirit beings and within them your own. And this realization is direct experience. Through it one knows that the spirit beings and with them also one's own soul have an existence for which the sense being is a temporary revelation. - If ordinary consciousness - in the sense of the first meditation - shows that the body belongs to a world whose true part in it is revealed in its dissolution after death, clairvoyant observation shows that the human ego being belongs to a world to which it is bound by quite different ties than the body is bound to the laws of nature. The bonds with which the ego being is bound to the spiritual beings of the supersensible world are not affected by birth and death in their innermost essence. In the sensual life of the body these bonds only reveal themselves in a special way. What appears in this life is the expression of connections of a supersensible nature. Since the human being as such is a supersensible being - and also appears as such to supersensible observation - the connection from human soul to human soul is also not impaired by death in the supersensible. And what appears to the soul as an anxious question before the ordinary consciousness in the primitive form: will I see again after death those whom I have known to be connected with me in sensory life, must be answered by real research, which is entitled to an experiential judgment in this field, with a decisive "yes".
[ 6 ] Everything that has been said here about the experience of the soul being as a spiritual reality within the world of other spirit beings can be seen through the often-mentioned amplification of the soul life. However, this experience can still be helped by special sensations that are formed. - In ordinary experience within the world of the senses, we relate to what we perceive as our destiny in such a way that we perceive one as sympathetic and the other as antipathetic. A self-contemplation which can be quite impartial towards itself will have to admit that the sympathies and antipathies under consideration here are among the strongest that man can feel. An ordinary consideration of the kind that everything is necessary in life, that one must bear one's fate, can go a long way towards creating a serene mood in life. But in order to achieve a grasp of the true nature of man, even more is necessary. The consideration indicated will be of the best service to the life of the soul; but it will often be noticed that whatever sympathies and antipathies one has shed in the direction indicated have only disappeared for the immediate consciousness. It has withdrawn into the deeper reasons of the human being and lives itself out as a mood of the soul, or also as feelings of tension or other feelings of the body. True equanimity towards fate can only be attained if one behaves in this field in exactly the same way as with the repeated, intensified surrender to thoughts or sensations to strengthen the soul in general. It is not enough to have the reflection that leads to the insight of the mind, but it is necessary to live intensively with such reflection, to hold it in the soul for a long time while at the same time keeping the sensory experiences and the other memories of life at a distance. Through such practice one arrives at a certain basic mood of the soul towards one's life destiny. One can thoroughly drive out of oneself the antipathies and sympathies in this area and can finally see everything that happens to man approaching him, just as one, as a completely external observer, sees a jet of water falling over a rock and hitting the bottom. This is not to say that in this way one should come to stand numbly before one's fate. He who comes to look with indifference at everything that happens to him is certainly not on a prosperous path. But one is not indifferent to the outside world with regard to that which does not touch one's own soul in terms of destiny. One sees what takes place before one's eyes with joy or with aversion. The person striving for supersensible knowledge should not seek a lack of participation in life, but rather a transformation of the share that the "I" initially has in relation to everything that fatefully touches it. It is quite possible that through this transformation the vividness of the emotional being is even strengthened, not weakened. In ordinary life, tears well up in the eyes over many things that affect one's own soul in a fateful way. But one can also come to the conclusion that one has the same vivid feeling towards one's own misfortune that one feels when the same misfortune befalls another person. It is easier for a person to arrive at this kind of experience in relation to incidents that affect him as fate would have it than, for example, in relation to his own abilities. The thought is not so easily attainable, which is just as easily expressed in joy when another has an ability as when one possesses it oneself. If self-contemplation seeks to penetrate to the deepest depths of the soul, it is possible to discover a great deal of selfish joy about many things that one can do oneself. An intensive, repeated (meditative) coexistence with the thought that in many respects it is the same for the course of human life whether you yourself or another person can do something, can lead far in terms of true serenity towards what one feels to be the innermost destiny of life. - Such inner thoughtful reinforcement of the life of the soul, if it is done correctly, can never lead to a mere dulling of the feeling for one's abilities: on the contrary, one transforms it. One feels the need to behave in accordance with these abilities.
[ 7 ] And this already indicates the direction that such a thoughtful strengthening of the soul life takes. One learns to recognize something within oneself that appears to the soul as a second being. This is particularly evident when one connects with it the thoughts which show how one brings about this or that in fate in ordinary life. One can perceive that this or that would not have happened to you if you yourself had not behaved in a certain way in an earlier time. What happens to people today is often the result of what they did yesterday. With the aim of taking his soul experience further than it is at a certain point in time, he can now look back at his previous experiences. In doing so, one can seek out everything that shows how one has previously prepared later incidents of fate. With such a retrospective view of life one can try to reach that point in time when the child's consciousness awakens in such a way that in later life it remembers what it has experienced. If such a retrospection is made in such a way that it is connected with the mood of the soul which eliminates the usual spiritual sympathies and antipathies with fateful events, then when one reaches the designated time of the child's life in terms of memory, one faces oneself in such a way that one says to oneself: The possibility that you feel yourself in yourself and consciously work on your soul life has only just begun; but this "I" of yours was also there before, it did not work knowingly in you, but it even brought you to your ability to know, as to everything else you know about. What no intellectual consideration can recognize is brought about by the described position in relation to your own destiny. You learn to look at the incidents of fate with composure; you see them approaching you impartially; but you see yourself in the entity that brings these incidents to you. And when one sees oneself in this way, the conditions of one's own destiny, which are already given at birth, present themselves to the soul in connection with one's own self. One struggles to say that just as you have worked on yourself in the time after your consciousness has awakened, so you have already worked on yourself before your present consciousness has awakened. Such working through to a superior ego being in the ordinary ego not only leads to being able to say to oneself that my thought leads me to theoretically conceive of such a superior ego, but it also leads to feeling the living being of this "ego" in its reality as a power within oneself, and to feeling the ordinary ego as a creature of this other within oneself. This feeling is a true beginning of seeing the spiritual being of the soul. And if it leads to nothing, it is only because one leaves it at the beginning. This beginning can be a barely perceptible, dull sensation. It may remain so for a long time. But if you continue to pursue strongly and vigorously what led to this beginning, you will finally come to see the soul as a spiritual being. And he who has come to this vision will find it quite understandable when someone who has gained no experience in this field says that he who believes to see such things has only brought himself to the imagination - autosuggestion - of the superior ego through spiritual behavior. But the person who is equipped with such vision also knows that such an objection can only stem from this lack of experience. For anyone who seriously experiences what has been described also acquires the ability to distinguish his imagination from reality. The inner experiences and activities that are necessary in such a journey of the soul, if it is to be a correct one, lead one to exercise the strictest caution against oneself with regard to imagination and reality. If one strives purposefully to experience oneself as a spiritual being in the superior "I", one will see the main experience in that which is characterized at the beginning of this meditation, and recognize that which is mentioned in second place as an aid to the transmigration of the soul.